Numbly expecting a life alone
How many times will I go through this heart-wrenching? Will this be the end I've fought against so hard? If it is not, should it be so I don't face it over and over? I still feel that heart piercing pain during the day, but I notice this time I am much more of a numb robot the rest of the time. I catch myself imagining myself a male version of a spinster (I'm not sure the term for guys). I think I'm trying to come to terms with the idea I may be alone the rest of my life.
It is also possible I'm just in some kind of denial.
It is also possible I'm just in some kind of denial.
Replies
You haven\'t lost yet. But in the same regard you can\'t keep going through the same cycle. It\'s not good for you. It is not fair to you. Your marriage cannot be used against you every time your wife feels that something is wrong. Will she go to marriage counseling with you. Or maybe go speak to your church priest or pastor if marriage counseling is not an option. I believe that people should work on their marriages but only to the extent that the marriage is valued by both parties. Don\'t fear being alone. Don\'t let that be the reason you allow yourself to go through this cycle over and over again. Because you won\'t be alone forever. use that fear and get yourself out there. Not to date but to meet some other people. The strength that you get from other people can be a tremendous help. I have been in your shoes and it\'s hard but it helps.
Thanks Broken. I am not afraid of being alone. I am very comfortable with myself and like being alone. I\'m not a super social guy and instead tend to focus on my family.
My problem with being alone is that the most important things to me have always been my wife and children. I guage success on my roles and relationships with them. I want to be the best husband and father to these precious people, and regardless of all the effort I put in, it seems to be crumbling around me. I am faced with not being but a part time father and never becoming the husband I have always dreamed to be for my wife. I realize this seems codependent but honestly it is just something engrained in me by my wonderful parents.
I would love to have couple counseling but it is not a possibility for my wife. I will be lucky if she would seek individual counseling. I only hope if that happens it will build the marriage up and not provide her with motivation to trash it and start over.
I believe that God hates a divorcing & I would do whatever it takes to save a marriage. But, time had shown me that a marriage can not survive one sided. I will pray for you & your wife.