Now (trigger)
Wow I cant belive my last entry was nearly 4 years ago it looked like I wasnt doing to bad ....now I just want to die I often dream of drowning I think that would be a good way to go. Noone would miss me, wgo am I? Im a nobody cant even fall for the right person im a mess, just a waste of oxygen p, why do I exist? im no use I hate it inwish it would end. What more else can I say other than give it yo someone more deserving ..... I just did it, after years of nothing I cut again. I forgot how rewarding the pain felt, how it felt to feel again its horrible but good .... I hate me
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This is a feeling I know very well... and it really can suffocate you. It feels like cutting is the only way to feel any form of better after you\'ve spent so long struggling without it. It\'s something you can have control over and it feels a bit like achieving something because a lot of the time it can feel like you\'re not doing anything or taking any steps to get better no matter how hard you\'re actually trying to keep it together because it feels like you\'ve made no progress. This makes you feel some form of \"better\" for a bit, and it feels like progress.
4 years is a long time to go without it and I\'m very impressed. I\'ve gone back after a long time away from it myself... often it\'s hard to see why it\'s a problem if no-one knows, no-one\'s hurt or it feels like no-one cares. But I think deep down we all know it\'s a problem for many reasons, we just don\'t want to think or care about it because it feels like it helps and we don\'t want to lose that crutch.
I know you hate yourself... I hate myself too. If you feel like it, feel free to have a chat to me sometime on here and I\'m sure I\'ll see the worth in you. Even if it\'s hard to believe, hearing it from someone might at least give you a little boost that someone cared enough to take the time to say it, and maybe I can help in some way with stuff you go through day to day. Please take care. I hope you\'re as okay as you can be. xx