Now my sister is causing me stress.
On a personal one on one basis I get along fine with my sister but the stress thta my brother has caused us both is starting to bring a new kind of anxiety.
My sister has decided to get a restraining order agasint my brother because she says she doens't want him coming around and bothering her anymore and that she is afraid of him. I have seen how she scares him and how she cna't say no to him. He dominates her and bullies her thru intimidatoni and ultimatums about not doing things for her unless she does what he says.
Lately he disrupted her whole life trying to get rid of the woman thta helps take care of her and put in a freind of his in her place. The friend worked with her for a couple of weeks and then my sister got into one of her moods and the woman threatened to hit her so we had to tell her she coudlnt work there any more.
My sister decided to get the restraining order because she kept asking my brother to stop comign over and he still did. She did nto nkow what else to do so she is going thru with it. but here is the problem that is not causing me anxiety:
I did not suggest that she get a restraining order against our brother and even told her that I did not think she should. I think it was one of her social workers that suggested that if he would not leave her alone that they could get one. she calls me and complains about him whenever he does come over or even calls and I tell her that she has to not call him or let him in if he comes over if she is really wanting him to stop and if she is going to get a restraining order then thta means she cna't have him call or visit or do anything for her any more. She tells that this is what she wants and she doens't want to do anything with him any more or have him come over or have anything to do with him. I make a point of telling her that I am nto asking her or want her to do this that if she wants to call him or have him do things with her she can, it is her choice but she always says that getting the restrainig order is the right thing to do because she can't get him to listen to her or cna't tell him not to come over any more and needs this to teach him that he cna't do whatever he wants.
So my anxiety does not come from her making this decision. If she wants to cut him out of her life because he causes her frustration makes her angry and scares her than that is uip to her as long as she understands the consequences of the decision. The anxiety comes because she tells me one day she doesn't want hi8m coming over and won't call him or let him in if he does and then the next day she calls me or he does and tells me about soemthing that happened at her house or I hear hi8m talking behind her while she is on the phone. I cna't make sense of why she wants to cut him out of her life and is afraid of him and tells me she won't let him in or call him and then the next day he is there again. He seems to come over to her house everyday for some reason or other and I hear about it from her and she always says she doen'st want him there but then he is there again the next day.
It is not my place to tell him to not come over, it is hers. I understand she is afraid to tellhim to not come over and if he does she is afraid to not let him in, so she does. But she is getting a restraining order agasint him and she needs to stand to it if she goes thru with it and not let him come in if he comes over her house and she has to not call him on the phone and give h im the idea she is nto wanting to stop him from coming over.
It is not fair to my brother who doens't seem to understand that he frightens her, denies that he yells at her, lies to her is dominating or contorlling her or bullies her. He doesn't see what he is doing and won't accept it when others tell him. I have tried and all he does is reverse it to me or others and never deals with what he is doing to her. But she cn'at be wanting to stop him form coming around and then turn around and cal lhim to come help her with something. He has gotten her to be dependant on him or accepting him as the one to do things for her and so she turns to him when she needs something even tho she doen'st want him around. So when she tells him she doen'st want him around and then a few days later calls him about something he just fogets what she siad before and goes right back to where he was bossing her around because of course it was nothing he was doing it was all her.
So I feel like pulling my hair out being stuck in the middle.lI cn'at get my ssiter to break the habit of calling him and he wont' listen to me about it. It is not my place to tell him to leave her alone, he woudn't listen anyway and it would only make the already nto too good relationship we have become worse. The problem is that they are both more or less children one because of her mental handicap and the other because of his never needing to become responsible for his own life until the last few years and 35 years of pot smoking.
What am I to do? I have told all of this to my sisters social worker and asked her to help her understand what she is doing and help her to adjust her life to be able to live without being dependant on him. I hope she is able to do this. I wish my brother would stop being such a, I want to say dick but I think most dicks know what they are doing and my brother doesn't seem to understand what he is doing to her so i have no word for him. Maybe stop being so dense and defensive and look at what is going on from outside himself and see how she sees it. This comes back to what I have said before about my brother having no consideration for others and being arrogant and selfish.
I can only sit back and give my sister advice on what to do. She doesn't seem to be taking it and keeps letting him come over or even calling him, I'm not sure. I tried to tel lher to not let my brother interfere with the women thta work with her before and that it would be come a mess and it did. But she woudl't listen. He has her so dependant on him, bullied and afriad of what he might do thta she almost alwlays takes his side unless he is not around and then she doens't want to have anything to do with him. I'm not sure what is the truth but her social workers have told me she tells them the same thing as she tells me about being afriad of him and not wanting him to come around any more and she has no reason to tel them that unless it was true.
Thus is my latest anxiety and more than that it is driving me crazy because it is not of my doing or abotu me so I cna't work on it or change it.
My sister has decided to get a restraining order agasint my brother because she says she doens't want him coming around and bothering her anymore and that she is afraid of him. I have seen how she scares him and how she cna't say no to him. He dominates her and bullies her thru intimidatoni and ultimatums about not doing things for her unless she does what he says.
Lately he disrupted her whole life trying to get rid of the woman thta helps take care of her and put in a freind of his in her place. The friend worked with her for a couple of weeks and then my sister got into one of her moods and the woman threatened to hit her so we had to tell her she coudlnt work there any more.
My sister decided to get the restraining order because she kept asking my brother to stop comign over and he still did. She did nto nkow what else to do so she is going thru with it. but here is the problem that is not causing me anxiety:
I did not suggest that she get a restraining order against our brother and even told her that I did not think she should. I think it was one of her social workers that suggested that if he would not leave her alone that they could get one. she calls me and complains about him whenever he does come over or even calls and I tell her that she has to not call him or let him in if he comes over if she is really wanting him to stop and if she is going to get a restraining order then thta means she cna't have him call or visit or do anything for her any more. She tells that this is what she wants and she doens't want to do anything with him any more or have him come over or have anything to do with him. I make a point of telling her that I am nto asking her or want her to do this that if she wants to call him or have him do things with her she can, it is her choice but she always says that getting the restrainig order is the right thing to do because she can't get him to listen to her or cna't tell him not to come over any more and needs this to teach him that he cna't do whatever he wants.
So my anxiety does not come from her making this decision. If she wants to cut him out of her life because he causes her frustration makes her angry and scares her than that is uip to her as long as she understands the consequences of the decision. The anxiety comes because she tells me one day she doesn't want hi8m coming over and won't call him or let him in if he does and then the next day she calls me or he does and tells me about soemthing that happened at her house or I hear hi8m talking behind her while she is on the phone. I cna't make sense of why she wants to cut him out of her life and is afraid of him and tells me she won't let him in or call him and then the next day he is there again. He seems to come over to her house everyday for some reason or other and I hear about it from her and she always says she doen'st want him there but then he is there again the next day.
It is not my place to tell him to not come over, it is hers. I understand she is afraid to tellhim to not come over and if he does she is afraid to not let him in, so she does. But she is getting a restraining order agasint him and she needs to stand to it if she goes thru with it and not let him come in if he comes over her house and she has to not call him on the phone and give h im the idea she is nto wanting to stop him from coming over.
It is not fair to my brother who doens't seem to understand that he frightens her, denies that he yells at her, lies to her is dominating or contorlling her or bullies her. He doesn't see what he is doing and won't accept it when others tell him. I have tried and all he does is reverse it to me or others and never deals with what he is doing to her. But she cn'at be wanting to stop him form coming around and then turn around and cal lhim to come help her with something. He has gotten her to be dependant on him or accepting him as the one to do things for her and so she turns to him when she needs something even tho she doen'st want him around. So when she tells him she doen'st want him around and then a few days later calls him about something he just fogets what she siad before and goes right back to where he was bossing her around because of course it was nothing he was doing it was all her.
So I feel like pulling my hair out being stuck in the middle.lI cn'at get my ssiter to break the habit of calling him and he wont' listen to me about it. It is not my place to tell him to leave her alone, he woudn't listen anyway and it would only make the already nto too good relationship we have become worse. The problem is that they are both more or less children one because of her mental handicap and the other because of his never needing to become responsible for his own life until the last few years and 35 years of pot smoking.
What am I to do? I have told all of this to my sisters social worker and asked her to help her understand what she is doing and help her to adjust her life to be able to live without being dependant on him. I hope she is able to do this. I wish my brother would stop being such a, I want to say dick but I think most dicks know what they are doing and my brother doesn't seem to understand what he is doing to her so i have no word for him. Maybe stop being so dense and defensive and look at what is going on from outside himself and see how she sees it. This comes back to what I have said before about my brother having no consideration for others and being arrogant and selfish.
I can only sit back and give my sister advice on what to do. She doesn't seem to be taking it and keeps letting him come over or even calling him, I'm not sure. I tried to tel lher to not let my brother interfere with the women thta work with her before and that it would be come a mess and it did. But she woudl't listen. He has her so dependant on him, bullied and afriad of what he might do thta she almost alwlays takes his side unless he is not around and then she doens't want to have anything to do with him. I'm not sure what is the truth but her social workers have told me she tells them the same thing as she tells me about being afriad of him and not wanting him to come around any more and she has no reason to tel them that unless it was true.
Thus is my latest anxiety and more than that it is driving me crazy because it is not of my doing or abotu me so I cna't work on it or change it.
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