November Days

Charting progress.  I am still sober.  It is almost four months. 

Some things get clearer.  I went to the doctor for the first time in three years.  He said I am a healthy man.

The only major changes left to make are in my mind.  New ways of thinking.

I am still going to AA meetings and I finally got a sponsor.  My sponsor is a happy person, encouraging and warm.  Something about that I need right now.

The house -- not much changes.  Who the hell is this person I married?  I always heard that if you drank a lot in a relationship, it would be quite a shock when you quit.  But goddamn...

I never knew what a codependant relationship was until right about now.

That's not so easy.  Taking more steps toward divorce.  The kids are amazing.

All this year has been about letting go and finally!  Let go or die.  This was the year of The Swerve -- where everything changed.

Let go of anger. 

Let go of drinking.

Let go of the past.

Let go or die.

I am a veteran of foreign wars. 

There is possiblity if and when one is ready to be free.

But getting there, surrendering.

These weeks I have been wandering golden autumn trails in wonder.

What was I doing all those years?  Little gems in front of my face.

I have a growing premonition that everything is going to be okay.

I feel peace.  That is definitely new for me.

I want to wake up one day in a life that truly reflects my standards and values.  It comes closer every day.  I am making it happen... slowly.

This I believe.

~ J.P.