November 14th 2011

So I am back on here DS. I am not liking the fact they took out the chat box that was like the main purpose of this site. Anyways that's besides the matter. I am having the worst time of my life right now. My girlfriend who I have been seeing since I was in high school just wants to be single all the sudden. I don't know what's the reason she is in college and so am I and we both agreed to spend two years apart then she was going to move in with me, and we had everything planned and it was great. Well we got into a argument, I guess this meant more to her than me because I just brushed it off so I was just ignoring her because all I was getting was the full field press she would question where I was, who I was with, what I was doing, when will I get to see her. So I was just like this is out of control I need to have a little space so for about a month we were not talking just nothing then I send her a text saying is everything alright and I missed her a lot, then she just blew up on me and broke up with me in a message. I mean if your in a relationship for a long time I think you deserve a proper break up. look me in the eyes and say, "This isn't working out between us I need some time to live my life" I was like...ummm okay... well truth is I make it sound like I am not hurt to her, but deep down I am so hurt :'( I don't know how I am going to handle paying for all the bills I live in a house by the campus that I can't afford and we both agreed to pay to live together like always since high school. So I might just move into the dorm, but then all those plans are gone. I think I deserve a better break up than that I have done so much for this woman, and me & her sacrificed a lot to be together. I wish it never came down to this. I am so heartbroken I can't eat, my insomnia is at it's worst, I think the official worst part is I have track practice and I just don't have energy to run anymore. I told my coach I was way sick and haven't been running. It's going to set me back a lot as of right now though my future is so uncertain. School is so hard and I am just trying to put all the pieces back together but nothing seems to be working. My everything has turned to nothing I don't know what to do when I tell my parents I am not doing well in school my dad is going to flip his shit then to find out I am going to need to sell the house because soon I won't be able to afford it he is going to go nuts. Things are just a wreck right now I just want to be by myself. I lock myself in my room and just try to sleep away this nightmare but it's ever so real. I wish things were better looks like my holiday season is going to be horrible. I don't want to deal with being nice when everything is going so bad people are already asking me "what's wrong Ty" just because of the way I carry myself now. I look at the ground and I just look empty people say not healthy. I don't know I feel like everything is coming to a slow end. I am going to go for a long drive by the beach on PCH just drive be by myself. Wish things were easier but wishing only get you so far...