Nov. 17, 2009

I lost my husband, Smokey, suddenly on Nov. 15, 2009.  I think he had a stroke.  I am waiting for Vancouver General Hospital to do an autopsy as he did not have a doctor.  I encourage all people to see a doctor as it helps in sudden death etc.  I did not know this at all.  Smokey wanted to donate his body to UBC but they won't take it after autopsy is done.  I am unemployed and my husband was supporting me 100%.  I am so screwed.  I have a lot of good people helping me including my 2 brothers, lots of friends, my family,Smokey's family. and my faith in God.  It still is hard to pray.  I try but I keep about everything that is going in my life, mourning my sweety and dealing with the paperwork.  Smokey never had a will and everytthing was in his name.  I have to get a lawyers letter to say that I am Executor of his estate.  Getting a will made is very important no matter how old a person.  It was suddenly and unexpected.  There was no preparation time but we knew we loved one another.  We decided not to say like people say hello and good bye but once in awhile so saying I love you was very special.  He was a grumpy old bear with a heart of gold, caring, kind, loving and giving in his way.  He also go frustrated with people and inanimated objects like a cup (if you know what I mean).  If he thought you were not listening, he would raise his vocal cords up a few notches, which used to irritate me but now I wish I could hear him.  I love him with all my heart and soul and miss him dearly.  It is hard to go one without him but with God's guidance, I will keep going on with the loss in my heart.