noteskies
I realized today during the family zoom that
I was leaning towards wanting to talk about the things
I want to - about the things I like
about thus also having the attention be on me -
that realization helped me step back and be considerate of
the group
and just piping in when I was asked about things in my life
it was a great revelation and taught me to be a little more conscious
of what I was asking from people.
then I took a road trip with Abbess to a Catholic Play at a Catholic Church
written by a friend of the monastery. It was a medieval themed play written
about the real life St. Rita (patron saint of that church in Alexandria VA)
It was really good - but I got very fatigued while being with the abbess.
and I became socially fatigued at the event too - and all I seemed to be
able to do was offer a gentle handshake a - smile and- compassion.
The abbess said that was important - when I expressed to her
how much I fatigued - and just have to go with my feelings.
an aside is that I have to admit that the Catholic Priest there had such a way with words.
I also wanted to mention that when I go down to services here any time of day it's like
I lose common sense - I just have no sense of when to do my part - Sometimes are better
than others -
Replies
co-opting alert
i find myself called to do some of my strictly personal psycho sorting here on your journal entry.
even the folks who have known me intimately for decades typically forget i even have a speech defect. stuttering. used to be that i hid it well enough that i was the only one aware of it. it arises at unpredictable moments and has a tendency to either trigger my hyper-expression or shut me down, completely. it is solid progress that the first stutter no longer triggers my international flight reflex. instead of running like a proverbial bat out of hell, i can simply keep my stuttery mouth shut. i turn into a babbling fool when i trigger into hyper-expression. in hyper-expression mode, i am a master of using a million words to say absolutely nothing. multi-lingual babbling probable.
over the decades since i made that therapy breakthrough of recognizing and remediating the trigger effects attached to the stuttering, i have had much opportunity to observe that the people i am talking to seldom even notice i am only physically present. the next breakthrough in that therapy was in learning how to actually listen instead of getting lost in my flight reflexes.
in recent years i believe i have identified a trigger i have yet to find words for. most recently i have been calling this trigger, "competitive conversation." the revelation which prompted (triggered?) this co-opting of your journal entry was,
"I realized today during the family zoom that
I was leaning towards wanting to talk about the things
I want to - about the things I like
about thus also having the attention be on me -
that realization helped me step back and be considerate of
the group."
in my own cognition, i might replace the words, "be considerate of the group" with a single word. "listen."
dunno what i'm reaching for here. just psycho sorting.
:-) namaste! Sunrise salutations!