notes to my therapist
hi s- (my therapist)
i'm starting the day here - everything is disorganized.
I paid a bill too early (compulsion of mine to pay everything
as soon as I get it) and now I am overdrawn on the card. My sister A
offered me a rule for how to deal with my money which makes sense.
She said keep all your cash in an interest bearing account until you absolutely
have to spend it on paying a bill....
and so I am
just taking it one step at a time. I feel my mom within me.
very strong. I know how she had to make order out of the chaos.
I am very aware of her body energy. So just taking it one step
at a time - and now I am gaining some momentum.
I'm seeing how the intimacy here at the monastery is
all about rules - and some folks thrive on and want detailed
rules in life. I get it. My godson wants it very much -
and so I'll be there for him like that and for when he no longer
needs that too.
Well time to do laundry and to pack! Thanks for being
there - Have a good trip and weekend ahead!
M
later in the process of cleaning
Dear S - my body took over this morning and it was a challenge to get some focus
and motivate - it really seemed like no one else had to deal with this -
but the more I did little 'chips awaying' at the tasks - it came through to me
that I am taking care of myself and that is what I am supposed to do.
Maybe obvious? but my body was really making me feel super disorganized
and tossed to the winds - I just finally told myself that I need to take care of myself
no one else will - I know we're communal but I can't live in a fantasy that anyone
will take over and help me. I have a big, perhaps very rocky path in front of me.
But I've got my beautiful life to take care of - with Blue and all that I am
committed, for now, to doing. I hope you have a lovely trip! We deserve
good things.
Another quick note I sent later on
I’m starting to realize the need for taking care of my life and keeping my mental parameters about the task in front of me relating to that very issue rather than being untethered and awash in my passions and dreams.
I feel like reaching out to my sister but she doesn’t like that. Who will I tell my story to I wonder? The work here at the monastery is starting to feel like the work in Malibu in terms of commitment, very much a habit and a good taking care of life.
I then wrote this too:
I’m dealing with some of 'my life’s' mysteries, i sincerely want to create progress and fruits beyond
my mental stuff.
My aunts do this and my friend does it as well and so do I.
When I talk on the phone with my aunts it is usually the same issues over and over. Maybe that too is our 'emotional rule'(recently I noticed that we each have a kind of emotional rule that we live by and put out there) popping up and the manifestations of keeping things pragmatic and practical. My mind wilts aways at times but I’m hoping to keep on keeping on.
Fight forward, do good works, love your tribe!
Replies
Big squishy hug sweetie
I hope that you have a fabulous trip
'Fight forward, do good works, love your tribe!'
Is a wonderful ideal for us all to sim for
Wise words!...xo
Thanks Janet!
It's good to write stuff down, like you are doing. You can go back to it at a later date and see how much you have grown from life's experiences. It's interesting and encouraging at the same time.....Keep on keeping on! God Bless
thanks bob!! :) x
Enjoy your trip! It's a challenge to work through all the separate parts of everything and you're doing a terrific job with making it work!
thanks mid!