notes , things that just ‘are’
Things are good. I've been having a good time and learning a lot.
ive found some inner peace with the thoughts of going back to my life where I've learned to think on the greater power to reassure me when I've needed approval as well as reassurance and so peace and clarity.
i saw my cousin and her boyfriend here at my aunts house just a little while ago. I haven't seen her in decades.
All the mix of feelings and nerves, washed over me, not knowing how to relate after so much history that had passed. I sensed feelings of anxiety and competition and just unsure, until I realized that I could deal with all that.What I mean to say is that those kinds of feelings may exist in a lot of families. I remember Irishwriter talking about seeing her family as like a 'den of vipers.' I had those feelings but I feel grounded enough by the life I have and with myself just to be ok enough with human complexity like this that 'just are.' They're not a signal that someone needs to change. It's just human stuff.
i can find a kind of humor about it. It reminds me of the joke from"keeping up appearances " when the main character said " people who take a superior attitude make it so hard for those of us who actually are!" Lol
Rather than set apart, I'm learning to find the humanity amusing and probably pretty typical:-).
Replies
I'm glad that you could work it out for yourself Mark and find a little humour in doing so
Big hug sweetie...xo
Thanks Janet!❤️
in the management of my own psychotic fissures --comparing, questioning, doubts, etc., etc.-- the personification of my emotional gyrations as a flowing river has led me to the most sustainable serenity i have known to date. as i have grown more comfortable with sitting on the riverbed of my own emotions, i find myself far less disturbed by the weave of tributaries --streams, runoff viaducts, etc.-- which contribute to my river waters endlessly. i doesn't need to swim out into the river currents to grab water samples to identify which drops came in from which source. i can just kick back and enjoy the flow. maybe even throw a line into the water to see if i can catch something more than a nap under the shade tree.
i haven't lost my questioner instincts. i am just more able to use them more than they use me.
Thanks Arfie! That’s great!!
Markus, I am currently meeting a LOT of people and facing new relationship building endeavors where those “moments” can come up. Where the past history and experiences can seemingly bubble to the surface and create some personal reflection in the moment. I don’t know what that threshold of confidence necessarily looks like, but it helps me to not take myself so seriously and sort of embrace the quirkiness of my own bohemian realities. Self deprecation helps keep things real when encountering that “race to be dynamic or accomplished” that comes up between humans who compare one another. We are all a component of much larger things than our selves……. so those hippie dippie lighthearted bohemian flows can help to be great equalizers in the moment.
You are an intense questioner of all things and I hope you can find some humor and light fun in such a messed up world we are all living in right now. Hugs.
Thanks Nikki!