notes from this morning
I am sitting behind the iconostasis and I’m thinking about Dad. I’m thinking about everyone. Dad every once in a while brings up things I did in the past and I just stay silent. I just let him say it.
As I sat here thinking about that, I started to think about my own hurt and it became a blinding focus. I sat and thought about how it was blinding to me taking me out of the momentum of taking care of life.
As I wrestled with the feelings started to be able to
See that we all carry hurt from our pasts but have to keep productive and take care of life.
Aunts, uncles, grandparents, families, friends etc..I also started to think about everyone in church. How past forays into church I hoped for community and for some complete sense of things but I understand that I need to carry with me a foot in the outside world and a happy foot here in the monastery. I started to see that I can’t relate to everyone in the same way, with certain folks I’ll share more of a simpatico and it helps me appreciate individuals and appreciate those in my life. I have to say being here with you guys is a big home base for me. Sending prayers and peace xxoo
Replies
If you've learned your lesson you need to tell your father this. And then forgive yourself
I agree with cleaver. What's in the past should stay in the past. If he needs to talk about stuff like that he should talk to someone else.
thanks.
Awe Mark, you've been bit by someone else's memory bug. Many years ago I watched a video about "not letting it in" when people say hurtful things. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zeDt9dgFXFk How to avoid rejection and get connection by Marissa Peer.
Sadly the people in my life hurt me the most and no doubt I too hurt them, I think it's just something that happens in life with families. I can only hope for you that when your Dad was speaking it was meant to be helpful in some way, or to give you an example of how much you have grown.
In any case, what ever was said about your past is no longer true because you are Different Today!!! "Just Don't Let It In <3 Hugs
Thanks so much Mary Louise!! You’re absolutely right on!!
ya got me trying to remember the "five finger prayer" the monsignor who oversaw my RCIA. i think he started with his thumb. damned europeans. . . in this context the european way seemed more poetic.
1) yourself
2) your loved ones
3) your neighbors
4) your country
5) humanity
i think that is how he described the daily prayer ritual he performed behind his iconostasis. in my broken brain, you just gave a more complex synopsis of his personal ritual
or am i just giving more secular evidence of my mental illness?
Thank you so much Arfie!!! Keep on keeping on!! I’m about to start work!
Big hug sweetie...If we could all be perfect people wouldn't it be wonderful
Im sorry that you're being hurt by this
I don't think there's anything wrong with asking your dad 'can we come to some resolution?'
I don't think he should be discussing this with you either unless the point is to have a constructive discussion and then put it to bed
Another big hug...xo
Thanks Janet