notes from my landscape

 

i understand that I need to push myself forward no matter how I feel - I mean - I don't have to be happy - and the mixture of aggression or whatever 'may' be there - but I'll move forward and get the job done. I did that at work today - as I do pretty much every day - but I am reminded of what I said to another - once at work  -"just keep moving forward" 

and so I thought as well about my experience how, when I am OFF WORK that I am still in a kind of framework...What I mean to say is - that the parameters of my behavior can be perspectivized - or observed along that lines of what I am doing - what I am giving IN TO in terms of my own leanings... and so on....

When I was at the office today - since it is at a very good friend's office (for that matter it still is a matter of pride) - I was so caught up in the idea of doing "the perfect job"- - and yet I kind of reflected on that today (as it can stymie me from feeling I am doing an adequate job) and I thought I don't need to be happy while doing this - I just am kind of 'in the soup of it' and need to get the job done...and it reminded me of how I would do my research papers as a student....and I times I would feel half crazed - and maybe not so conscious of every minor thing - but I would get the job done - and I received usually high marks.. I always compared my own efforts to some iconic other - in that my efforts were never as good as - or enough to be legitimate, acceptable or real...but today i realized it's all ok- we live in a diversity - and each has his or her own way of doing things - and I get the job done - and I got the job done today - and am learning - and kind of in the soup of things - I know I may not be the owner of the business but I have just as good an effort as the boss does... I know I add value in some way.. and so there it is -

Peace!