notes about today
today I have thought again about the proverb 'family is not about right or wrong, it is about being
complete.' (thank you Arfie!!!)
I reached out many times to my sister A, by text, when I was being treated (at the ER today).
I kept her in the loop because I felt she would want that - but it was
my need too. I laughed with the sister who was with me saying "i must drive her crazy' - and indeed
to myself I appreciated her for her patience and all of it that she received from me and I also feared how she felt - but
for some reason 'it's just how i am' a bit and so I kept her in the loop
I thought about the nature of having a family of my own - of people who I know
are in the immediate circle of caring about me - how I build that -
and I came to understand how we are each and all of us 'out there' trying to take
care of that immediate self built family for ourselves - protecting it - and also protectively reaching out
with respect too - to our other birth family members - they have their families as well so here's hoping there's respect for boundary but we're all imperfect.
Appreciating we all have different kinds of needs too comes to mind so all different folks together. This is sounding crazy. I hope I'm making sense.
It became a comfortable idea to me - and I felt more keen and comfortable
with opening up to the sister from the monastery who was with me and seeking support and appreciating it
while we sat in the hospital room. Loving the one I was with - and counting her
as a good friend - appreciating her and what was mine.
I also found myself saying some stupid things as I was totally relaxing
and confiding in the sister (talking at great length I was fatigued and I can't be
my own policeman so long so effectively.)
And this brought me to two things. I realized the idea of free will is very
hard to live by -all the time -
but as the stoics say - a happy life can only be lived with the cultivation and the seeking
of virtues
So while in some cases our free will may be lost to us in times of fatigue or weakness or fear
we also have a choice about what we would like to cultivate in ourselves or we
ought to at least seek it -
that's where I am at right now. have a good night! My birthday is this Thursday!
I turn 56!! :) (it turns out I only have Colitis - it's totally treatable with an antibiotic and antifungal)
Replies
All things considered in this journal, I guess I am just getting more ok with my life… at least for the moment:).
Why were you in the ER?!? What did I miss?
I have colitis - was the diagnosis - pain, gurgly bloating, and shortness of breath
IT"S ENFLAMED INTESTINES - so I need to go an pick up some antibiotics and antifungals today.
Hope you feel better fast and that you are able to be comfortable as you heal.
Oh no! Hope you feel better Markus!!! Glad you got some medical care. That seems so common these days!
Thanks Mid and Nikki!!
Marky that's a miserable tbing to have
I hope that you start to feel better really soon
Gentle hug...xo
Thanks Jan!