Notes on balance

I’m in my room and I’m grateful for today. So much about making an independent venture in my life has started to yield some wisdom and vision. I’ve noticed, quite bluntly because of the pain and crisis that I experience, that I have been trying to perfect my way of life in the world when in truth or in objectivity it’s not a healthy thing to do. It has to be a life that is right for the person I am…abilities and limitations and of course the idiosyncrasies of this furry animal called Mark. I’m grateful for the diversity in life, for the experiments god makes with each genomic manifestation. I just know that rather than drill down and force myself to an illusory standard I can start seeing what’s good for me, for my path forward and for the nuances and nature of my mental health. I’ve been writing Geronta (the elder) and Father Capodistrias and Abbess as well. All three of them are beyond  a profound source of intelligence, wisdom and kindnesses. I’m doing ok. I struggled with the highs and lows today and the terror it brings as it can feel the only reality. But I’m good now. Blue is here. Have a good night.