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malibumark
Mood:  Ok

Notes

I was doing pretty well yesterday afternoon - 


and then a moment of discombobulation

with some social contact and I tumbled

mentally and fell apart.

I realized I needed a focus to calm me  - and I very much get that

here at the monastery - opportunity to focus on calming things -

I also realized that at times like this when I have 

a conundrum -  I also tend

to occupy my time with examining and focusing

on my thoughts - 

so i realized "THAT ACTIVITY" is a focus too - 
I felt empowered to stay at the water's edge, metaphorically, and

that realization blessed me with some clarity

and perhaps even good health in the sense

that I wasn't seeking to dig deep into my thoughts

or the psychological implications of things -

I also reminded myself of the ethic to keep

self responsible - that too is helping me not

dig too deep but to be mindful of the focus I am

keeping.

 

I came back to my room after services and chores

and just am spending time with Blue.

 

I'll take myself out - just

for a quick outing - it somehow seems important to

do that - 

I will be going out on Thursday as well to see a movie.

 

I wish I didn't have personality changes like this -

or mental changes - but I do remember my Dr. saying

to me once or maybe more times - that we ALL have to 

deal with the changes within us - and then still

as I say it that we all have to "keep on keeping on"

 

I hope you have a great day - 
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malibumark
malibumark

Sorry this stuff is so crazy. I just feel so mentally fragile at times and labile that it’s a victory for me simply to have a logic and sense of control to combat my illness.
malibumark
malibumark

Like I talked about in a previous in the initial part of this post, it's important to have a focus
to calm myself down -like religious things offer - and yet it's also
It’s also important to contextualize And not let your focus be blinding to the fact that you need to process life as it
happens and also to have humanity

I was kind of ruminating during services just now
and I figure this is just processing your feelings as you have them?

Every religion has a focus a way of focus, Judaism has its,
Buddhist teaches you to focus on what you want and your responsibility
in getting it -
Christianity is a social focus, love and each other

I am just kind of putting two and two together now in my understanding
of what I am living.

Things are pretty good. I go back down for services in 45 minutes - then meal
- then back upstairs to call SS.

Have a terrific day !!