notes
I had a really wonderful time yesterday at the art opening for
my friend Eliza's work. It really reawakened me to the fun
and the richness of city life and friendship.
This morning I woke at around 3 or 4 am - I found myself feeling
isolated and yet grounded in yesterday's activity though - I felt encouraged to think in terms
of going about my morning routine (remembering that I had one)
and then also to think in terms of being a person in the context of a city
of people, going about his business making choices that were measured
and valid just as others..
For some reason the way my mind
has worked in the past is to go into highflying exuberance when I get
an idea of what to do - but now I am keeping myself contextualized and grounded
by that contextualization. I must be careful to not lose perspective and misconstrue things or illness will take over.
I don't know if any of this is making sense - but for me the contextualization
and not the whole excitement about living "the life" is helping me see
and feel grounded in what life I am choosing for myself. I may feel alone and miss people
and yet I know it's part of the process of building the life I love, self responsibly and deliberately
(rather than going from flow to flow) and as well that not everyone wants
the same kind of relationship - and I have my own belief in relationships that I will
carry on with - yet I will also keep grounded in the notion that this is what I am choosing and not
to expect the same stuff back. There's a beauty and a kind of virtue about keeping on about that.
As the sun started to rise and the CBS Sunday morning came on - I felt that feeling of positivity
come over me of not being as alone (a similar thing happens at work after I work for the first hour and a half or so.)
So, things are good. My mind is trying to misbehave but things are good.
Replies
I am realizing I am lonely, but have no drive to change that....
I get lonely and then feel reinforcement from doing my own routine.
In any case, whether with someone or alone - there is no 100% either way..
but I think I am realizing that being alone is something I have gravitated towards
in maybe the attempt to lesson the bumps in the road - but that is a futile pursuit...
there always will be bumps in the road and learning to ride the waves is key.
When I went out last night I really enjoyed the conviviality of both the resto
I went to before the show and then the show itself. Just grateful.
I'm glad you enjoyed the art show. It was wonderful of you to show up and support your friend's work.
That's a great experience to enjoy the art show and support your friend at the same time!
Thanks Ladybug and Mid!
Sounds like a fun time! Glad it was a good event with some meaningful opportunities to flex those socializing muscles.
I try and remember there are likely a lot of people out there who feel alone and lonely, even in a crowd. And that reflection back helps me to enjoy those social moments even more profoundly when I’m in the “moment” of them.
thanks Nikki!!
markus questionarius has no drive to lose the loneliness factor? ? ?
nope, i ain't buying it. not even a maybe. at present, you just might be the most motivated person i know in getting out there and trying new social venues. you don't seem too motivated to play the dating game, but i rather admire you for that. seems to me that the dating game is the lousiest invention from the 20th century and causes much more loneliness than it cures. ask any ex. . .
just opining. . . i do that often, though i am studying on how to respect that opinions are often unwelcome.
just studying. . .
Thanks Arfie!!