note to self

in life it shouldn't make us not believe in or have relationships. Sounds crazy maybe but it's on my mind. 

 

Relationships for the recent past have represented more upset than not. I am still trying though.

 

I've started to try and be social. I met someone today at my drawing class who I thought I would

like to go to a movie with or something. It was great. When I came home

from class, all this anxiety fell on my head and I just laid down on the couch.

 

I planned to and will go to the market for the weekly shopping now..but it occurred

to me as I was feeling kind of excited on the one hand and random and anxious too that my illness has made me feel so sad and left out of life.

 

Now I have to shift gears and be self sufficient since I am here on my own

- but I am seeing that, 'that reality' shouldn't

make me not need to or want to be around people. 

 

I have so separated myself from life in real time. Now I am changing gears to living with both aspects of life. Alone and togetherness.

It's hard. I feel like God left a certain "CHIP" for understanding things out of me. But now

I'll go to the market and do what I need to do.