note

I wish I knew how to traverse the secret or emerging yearnings in my mind and heart and the outside world.

It seems I can be stable at times and that is happening more and more -  but then a moment of insecurity might happen and I can fixate on what 'the truth' might be. The truth of my situation - or what my nature might be.. It drags me into a world of sheepishness and fixation.

I seem to have a need for this kind of rumination. Here I am, on my day off - and I want so much to understand what my life is about.

I am churning in a grinding away rather than enjoying the day - and I WANT TO CHANGE THAT!! I am going to try and enjoy today and maybe make plans for the future... Focus on ideas that would be productive because to know my life would include the power to know where to take it.

I think I need to just take care, be mindful that we are all dealing with the essentials of life - that we are surviving, that there is the consideration of each other needed - and to maybe try and not go inward so much because that might not be so necessary and it separates me from the moment of relation to others...