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I think I was having a bad day yesterday. Sorry about all that I wrote.
I think that stuff affirms me.
I think I have chosen or by default had things to affirm me. Whether it’s worry or art or interior decoration or sex.
I was in chapel just now and during service. Thinking about the affirmation of the ceremony and the holiness. My worry finally had me say to myself'you're human' and I saw how the worry was sometimes more affirming than what's in front of me. I think I had an intense day in the Poconos and maybe all this spinning that I do came to the fore and it’s made me realize this has become my habit. I hope to choose in the moment things so I won’t get all weird.
This place is good for me. I can’t wait to get back to work too. The balance will be good.
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did you feel the nummy splat of my mei fun noodles on your face? i threw enough of them to stain your shirt and jacket so that you might remember this time. NEVER apologize for venting into your journal. it's the most efficient way i know of to untangle these psycho snot knots. no, the psychic sneezes don't make you an agent of evil. just human.
are you saying, "weird" like it is a bad thing. i solidly believe that gentle, compassionate weirds can rock the world to peace.
Thanks Arfie!!
I hope you have a better day today, Mark!
I've not read from yesterday's writing, however, agree with Arfie, writing is releasing. Here's to you finding balance in your own path! Keep on putting one foot in front of the other!
Thanks you guys!!
((((((((((((((((((((Marcos))))))))))))))))))))))))) <3
Yeah, no apologies in journals. It’s good to unearth things.
I was discussing the process of journaling in community here with my therapist, because doing it solo can sometimes be too much. But sometimes I wonder to myself, Mark, do you also divulge some of this stuff with anyone close to you other than a therapist? I know there is much fragility in sharing, but that will be where actions start going into motion. I hope I haven’t intruded too much. Just thoughts.
The time and energy and meditation and prayer you are at now is valuable….a chapter of your life, but not the whole book.
Big hugs.
Thank you so much lil missy and Nikki!
what's also come to mind is a general awareness of the two sides to myself that were never quite integrated.
I was out doing errands today and instead of shutting myself down to purchase the additional things that I wanted - and not just needed - I allowed myself
to look at them and consider them - but also used the reasoning that - when I am working I will buy them -
before it was kind of 'i shut down and say NO' or "totally go off and indulge in a kind of fantasy land of carefreeness" -the reality is, I let myself think about it today that I wanted to make my life seamless in terms of what I want and what I can go out and buy. The reality also is - I need to be more productive financially to buy the life I want -
It's just a mathematics that seemed to be at odds- that I never sewed together "either be totally frugal and abstemious" OR" Spend in an unconscious way without a sense of consequences" The consequence I will focus on is that I am creating a life for myself - so go for the gold - and make the gold to get there! :)
it's weird how I was driving around the little village here - and I just wanted to 'park it' at a diner or restaurant -
but there's more that I want in life - and just allowing myself think beyond that helped manifest the logic.
My inner thoughts can sure know turmoil at times Mark.... So can my dreams... Weird for sure .... Gentle hug of peace and calm sweetie.... xo
thanks Jan!
I talk loud in my head you gotta let it out somehow!!
Thanks ccleaver!!