Note
My therapist asked me how I was feeling about my decision not to go to the monastery in September. She said 'was I feeling any regrets about my decision?'
I am. Indeed.
I am confused. I like nice things in life but in terms of grand ostentatiousness,
i just feel I've done it already.
I've thought about making money to have a 'fuller' life and more leeway in my budget. For some reason I don't know what I'd like to do. The market job has been great and has taught me so much about tenacity at work that is not always friendly but absolutely vital.
I take a lot of satisfaction from it, and now living at the monastery feels the next step.
my whole family has very nice lives. I don't know why I want what I want or does it mean something negative or something about me??
I guess I made my decision. I will stay here for the next year. When my parents move in February, I will have some time living alone that I believe will teach me something more.
Replies
you made the decision! ! ! i feel sucker punched. i know you've been talking about it since i started reading your journal, but when/how did you decide.
i'll buy the notion that more money would give you a fatter budget, but i'm not even close to believing you can buy a fuller, richer life. i know entirely too many folks with fat budgets and miserable lives to buy that notion. equally, some of the happiest folks i know neither have, nor want two nickels to rub together. they "give ceasar his due," but money is just dirty paper. coin of the realm.
money also makes great shark bait, but my saltwater allergy isn't the only reason i avoid baiting sharks.
Essentially I am putting it off for a year.
My brother just moved to Europe and my sister and niece live in a Europe
now as well. My little sister now lives in San Diego and my middle sister
will be the only sibling living close by after my parents move closer to my
little sister down south. My siblings helped me make the decision but ultimately
I decided with Denis having moved and all that will be changing, that moving
to the monastery (FOR NOW) is just too much change. Plus my medical insurance
and benefit would have been messed around in a big way.
I would not have been
able to take a leave of absence from my job for more than a month.
So, although that would have been a nice trial, I just couldn't get my mind
around the other changes and so I put it off. I'd rather go for 3 months.
But I suppose it's crucial to deal with what is the reality. I was given the good
advice not to quit my job and go...something I really appreciate.