Not sure what to do *triggers*

I'm so overwhelmed by all of these feelings.  I've been bouncing all over the place for the last two weeks.  My pdoc saw me Monday and brought up the hospital as an option.  I am not excited about that idea.  I just want everything to get better.  My friends think that I am a drama queen I think, and maybe I am.  I do know that for the past couple of nights I've really wanted to cut, something I haven't done in ten years.  I look at it as a better way to deal with my pain than overdosing on whatever I can find, but it still makes me nuts.  I don't know what to tell her and what to keep to myself.  I have to go back in tomorrow but I don't know what I'm going to say.  I wish I had a magic wand to wave over everything and just could make it stop for a minute.  Just long enough to breathe...