not sure if I should write about this

I am home from work. I made lunch and ate it. Got some paperwork prepared

that I am going to 'attack' this Monday and get it done. I have been online

and I texted a couple of people. I am alone. I can't seem to 'suss out' what to do

with myself. I seem to be able to take care of the responsibilities but not really sure

what this person "Mark" wants to do with the day. It's weird. I fear social contact

because I am so unstable and yet I feel like I can't even be stable for myself to know

or have insight into what to do with myself. Needing gentle reminders from life that help

me feel satisfied, reasurred and competent. But is that all that I want? I just need validation?

Am I so afraid to take personal steps towards my own goals but still have respect for the decency

and regard I have for others living their lives? I guess I don't need to get down on myself but I wish I could

talk it out - and I guess I am kind of doing that right now. The challenge of the personal vacuum to fill it up...but maybe it's not a finite end I seek. Maybe it's a process? Maybe I need some activity - structured or what have you 

and not an achievement. Well maybe I can find a project - but the journey of it will be my goal? Make sense?

I hope you guys are having a good weekend! xxoo