Not sure how I feel..
Today is strange. I'm feeling empty I think, but also like I haven't hit the bottom. This is strange as I wasn't feeling too bad...but now...it doesn't help that my husband is making me feel guilty for my sexual behaviour before we got together. He asks about it, then gets stroppy when I answer honestly. I wasn't promiscuous by a long shot, but I did have a wild few months once my long term boyfriend broke up with me. It did involve a one night stand or two (I always hoped they would be more, but the guys didn't want it that way). How can he make me feel so badly about myself?
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Just out of curiosity, was he a virgin when you married him? In any case, I would suggest that you make this subject \"Off Limits\" because it\'s none of his business and it\'s in the past and no good can come of rehashing it, for either of you. Plus, it\'s none of his business. If he\'s not mature enough to be supportive and understanding about the life you\'ve led, he\'s not entitled to discuss it and the less he knows the better.
So many of us who have been sexually abused have acted out sexually as a result. Some of us have prostituted ourselves. Others have been promiscuous. My specialty was affairs with married men. What you did sounds extremely tame and quite frankly, pretty normal for a modern woman.
And just to give you some additional perspective, my own husband came from a very conservative background and actually WAS a virgin when we got together. He asked about my past experiences because he didn\'t want anyone else to know stuff about me that he didn\'t know. But he has never once in 25 years together brought it up or thrown it in my face, because he knows about my past and what I\'m healing from and he is on my side. Please expect the same of your husband.
No he was not. And in the past we have decided to pretend we were. He tends to think about this stuff when he has too much time alone. He\'s being better today. Thank goodness!
Then it\'s probably about his own insecurities (duh!) which it would be nice if he could identify and address or express instead of making it about you! And while it is good and right for you to be understanding about his insecurities, it really must be crystal clear that it\'s not okay to act out his insecurities on you! It\'s as if he had a bad day at the office and came home and hit you! It\'s simply not okay to do that! Even the best husbands (and wives, no doubt) need to be reminded sometimes of where the lines are drawn between \"you\" and \"me\". You need him in your corner, not undermining you.
When he\'s out of the situation he can see the error of his ways, but he very quickly forgets. He managed to upset me greatly the other day by going on and on to our friends about wanting a threesome. I\'m fat and pregnant and feeling very insecure about myself and I felt really hurt that he could pretty much imply I wasn\'t enough for him. He said to his mates it was for bragging rights, and I had to bite my tongue so I wouldn\'t say \"Why would you want to brag about disappointing TWO women in bed?\"
Ouch! Congrats on holding your tongue. He would have deserved that, but it would have made the situation worse so I guess it\'s a good thing you didn\'t say it. Good one, though!