not so sure anymore

I am not so sure I want to live anymore, I am so sick of all this. I relapsed on my eating disorder about a month ago and I don't know how to tell my parents. I don't want to let them down, but all I keep thinking is how HUGE I am. I really don't want to live. I keep remembering all these times when I was just so horrible to people I am supposed to care about. I don't know if I can live with myself anymore. I really hate myself. Now as well, my little sister tried to cut herself. I think it was my fault, I mean I could have exposed her to it. What if she starts to get and Eating disorder too?? I don't think I could live with that. I just feel I need to get Myself out of their lives before I ruin them more.

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

hun, things will work out. Just keep working on trying to fix your eating disorder -- setbacks are common. About your sister, do you know why she did it? How do you know she learned it from you, or is doing it because of you?
79pounds
79pounds

try taking vitamins. spend at LEAST 10 minutes in sunshine per day. most mood things are chemical and hormonal and can be balanced out. also try more sleep or sleeping outside (i do that a lot) or the ocean even better. if i am feeling depressed when i wake up, i KNOW i need to go get more sleep. if it lasts, i generally need vitamins or a tad of sugar or comfort food like fresh pasta or even better a salad or a salad with pasta sauce on it. lol. or i gourmet it fish with white wine baked potato with sourcream (fat free) salad. and feel fabulous just from that. exercise is great for perking up or a lazier way, favorite easy to read books, either best sellers or children\'s classical literature (i love all of those) nice and calm and NORMAL. lol.

i had one older sister who had \"issues\" waaaay worse than your\'s and it was decided that my brother and i shouldn\'t know. mostly i think this was correct, the only danger of it was one of her \"troubles\" was kleptomania (she steals compulsively and still does, especially mail (she is looking for cash or tickets or personal letters or invites when she does this and she does this everywhere she goes. she really should have just been put in jail years ago.), but if you are a cutter, perhaps you can just NOT let your sister know. there is no reason for her to know anything negative at all. sometimes its nice to have someone in your life, who DOESN\'T know anything bad about you and you are always putting your best foot forward with her.

idle hands are hands of the devil. try getting a job. if you occupy more of your time there won\'t be time to do anything but work and then school and then exercise/activity/ whatever you are into, hopefully nothing that will hurt YOU.

xxoo