a message about my experience, a place to put it :)

well, I had therapy at 1115a and it was a nice conversation

why do I just want to get drunk now and quiet the mind's need for occupation. (it's the weekend for one.)

I'm tired of entertaining my brain...Drinking would be the passive, easy way out, but ultimately I don't think once I am in a drunken stupor I would have any more luck or capacity to engage in anything beyond the frustrating crap you get on the tely lol - I've no need to couch dive.

the house is in order and I'm ready for tomorrow's Treepeople event .....

So at the moment what's needling me is I can't discern what I want....

Also, along the lines of something my therapist said, and I am paraphrasing...

'it's as though society says we have to be totally positive, live right and then we'll succeed 

- there's no room for the negativity or the suffering we all really do go through at times and when we do go through them, there's isolation....we all have to struggle with those moments of going it alone, and those feelings of tenuousness and misgivings -- just there's not really a conversation about it.' (especially with fighting illness too - she said)

My therapist said it better but It made sense and I feel aware now of what I'm leery of so,

puzzling again as to what I should do... and part of what I am leery of is that I feel I should know - and it should be something bright shiney and positive - so right now I am just challenging the big wall that seems to be

in my mind that blocks me from figuring out what I want to do...

what are the qualities of what I would like to do?

I guess I would like to go for a walk out in nature -

and maybe at the end of it to get another coffee as a reward?

I don't know if i need another coffee - but the walk sure sounds nice.

the walk would be good enough - no need for a reward...

-----

And so now I'm back from the walk. It was a good long walk. 1 to 2 miles. I'm hot and sweaty, cooling off now on my balcony. Cleared my mind right up. I will get my meds ready for tonight and maybe go

through some clothes for donations this Sunday.

Here's to a good Friday night.

I really like my therapist.

Peace.