not optimal
thats what the insurance company said the chemo is. not optimal. what that means is its not worth it to them to pay for it because it wont cure anything and just give me more time and I guess to them more time for me is not optimal. I looked up the word optimal because when they said it I didn't know what it means. it means not best or ideal. so giving me extra time is not ideal. for me to get to be av teenager is not optimal. extension of life is not optimal.
I told my doctor I haven't been making it to the bathroom and he said thats normal and that he will order pads for the bed and diapers for when I can't control at all. he said that normal but I wanted to tell him is not normal but I didn't say anything. I wanted to cry but I can't. I haven't told John and I haven't talked to him because I'm afraid he wont want me to stay here anymore. I know I need to talk to him bit I can't.
I was hoping maybe there would be a letter from dad but theres none today. maybe tomorrow.
I told my doctor I haven't been making it to the bathroom and he said thats normal and that he will order pads for the bed and diapers for when I can't control at all. he said that normal but I wanted to tell him is not normal but I didn't say anything. I wanted to cry but I can't. I haven't told John and I haven't talked to him because I'm afraid he wont want me to stay here anymore. I know I need to talk to him bit I can't.
I was hoping maybe there would be a letter from dad but theres none today. maybe tomorrow.
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