not off to a good start today
Well, I'm just starting the day and I'm already feeling stressed. Just spoke with my son's p.o and he didn't know anything about him getting cited for controlled substance, so I don't know what's going to happen to him. My son talked to me yesterday and swears he bought the bong but was only smoking some kind of a legal herb, and that he was cited for residue which his roommates friends were smoking pot. As I write this I'm thinking I must be an idiot to believe this, especially with is history of lying, but seeing my boy crying and telling me how hard it is for him and he's really trying, I just don't know. Is he just playing me again or what? I like to think that I know him but maybe I don't know him at all. I also know that addiction is prone to relapse, but there's a difference between a relapse and a lifestyle. I want so much to believe him. He was crying and he doesn't like to cry, but is that part of the deception now? He sounds so sincere, but the evidence shows something else. To top it off, today is my day to take care of my mother. That's always stressful. Well, I'm crying now, so I'm going to do my steps on the treadmill. I will update this evening. going to try to keep my eating in check through this.
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Oh honey. After 3 years of tears and lies, I had to accept that my son and daughter-in-law would do anything to keep me on their side. They wanted to use me for money, food, rides, anything they needed. Not to spend time with me, not to love and support me, but to stay in my good graces. Cutting them from my life was without a doubt the hardest thing I have ever done. I had to, the situation was so toxic for me, and I was enabling them.
A legal herb? This boy is playing you. A therapist once told me that if someone was doing an illegal substance for 1 year, it was a lifestyle. Please believe the evidence, and live for yourself. Go to some alanon meetings, and talk to a therapist, but learn to deal with this without becoming a complete mess. Just support him, and let him know you love him. Once he is 18, he won\'t be treated the same by the legal system, and you may have to let go.
Poor thing, you are caught between a rock and a hard place. Your son, your mother, and your own needs. All I can say is I am here for you.
Teri
OMG...I don\'t know how you can take care of your mother when you are struggling so much yourself!
The chronic stress is definitely a wear and tear on you.
One thing helping me with my stress is that taking ownership of my overeating and working one day at a time is giving me at least something that is going right in my life!
Maybe this can also be that one thing for you!!! Even though I have money stress, job stress, and bf stress.....I can at least feel good about not overeating today.
I had a step-son who was constantly bringing drugs and bongs and homemade bongs into the home. Every time I found something, I gave him a warning. Finally, with his Dad\'s permission, I called the police to come to the house and talk to him. They gave him a warning and said they would be watching him. I didn\'t find any more drugs.....and of course, he was very very angry with me. I had to do what I had to do...I couldn\'t live with him having drugs in my home!
I felt terrible, torn....and I can only imagine how you feel.
Hang in there....you can\'t live his life for him. Sometimes we just have to make our own mistakes.
Hugs, Truth
UPDATE: I feel good about my day regardless of the rough start. After I wrote this mornings journal, I was upset and it apparently gave me more energy. I did 100 steps on the treadmill. Then I did 70 this evening. I really feel good about how well the treadmill is going. Soon I will be able to guage my progress in minutes instead of steps. Thats exciting for me seeing the progress I\'ve made. Soon I will be able to walk around the block. I did not overeat all day, with the exception that I had a skinny cow bar for dessert and I probably should have waited since I was already physically full. I don\'t really see that as a biggie. I also noticed today that when I went to pick up my grandbabies, I wasn\'t breathing as hard when I got to the car as I usually am. Oh yeah, I did those 70 treadmill steps after taking care of my mom all day which included bathing her. I\'m rambling, but all in all it was a good day.
Thank you for all your comments. I appreciate your support. I rely on it.
WTG on \"stepping up\" the treadmill!!! You are doing so well! It takes courage to push ourselves to break out of our old habits. There will come a time when you look back on these difficulties as something far in the past!
I have an exercise routine I return to over and over. I remember the first time I tried it...I couldn\'t do most of the exercises at all....and I was in severe pain with muscle soreness that first week. I am amazed that I can do these same exercises now. Even though I\'ve gained back a lot of the weight, the good I got out of exercising years ago is still with me to some extent.
Every bit you do now will continue to reward you and you will get better and better.
I hardly dare to foresee myself in a transformed state, but a book I\'m reading suggests doing this. I\'ve been trying to form a picture of myself as a slim, healthy, physically strong and confident person...a person that enjoys clothes shopping and can throw on anything and feel OK about it...a person not limited by excess weight in any way.
Hope you are having a better day today...and WTG on the food yesterday!
I don\'t want a lot of attention, I might find that too threatening....I just want to feel OK with me and be free of the burdon on my health and mobility that this overeating addiction has given me.