Not liking myself.

Tonight, I am just miserable and upset. I do not like this knew life I did not ask for this and it is not fair. I have become a liar I lie to my family and tell them I am fine and I lie my friends and tell them I am fine. Deep down inside I am scared to death and wonder why I am still here. See I do not have any children because in 2006 I had to have a hysterectomy to get rid of my Cancer. I went though a depression and my husband held me everynight and told me it was going to be ok. So I had some good days and my depression was gone. We had decided to adopt and he got sick and left me. I hate living without him. I have animals that are mine and they are my only reason for living. I get sick almost everynight because I am without my husband. I cry myself to sleep everynight.