Not "Just Another Day"
It's been a couple of days since I made a journal entry. I've had a nasty bout with an intestinal bug, and I'm afraid I have spent more time in the bathroom than at the computer. Feeling lousy physically also has the effect of diminishing my motivation to explore my thoughts and put them into words. I still feel crappy and lack motivation, but I need to express myself today so I will give it a go.
I kept telling myself that today is "just another day", and that my plan for processing my grief will continue MY way, and I'll be enjoying my life in very short order. I've always been a planner and a plotter, attempting to live my life according to some sort of order and schedule, thereby avoiding the twists and turns that seemed to always mess other people up. And it's hard for me to just "let go" and "let God" when it comes to how I conduct my life and view my outlook on my present and my future.
Today would have been Barbara's 58th birthday. And it's not "just another day". In spite of my plans and schemes to be further down the road that I am reluctantly on, I find myself saddened that she is no longer among the living, and happily celebratring her day.
But this morning, just before dawn, I took my coffee and my dogs out back for my morning visit with God, and we watched the miracle of His sun slowly, ever so slowly, rising on yet another gift of a new day. As I sat, saddened that a tear had appeared on my cheek, it came to me that it is perfectly O.K. to feel as I do. It's O.K. to FEEL the myriad of emotions that resulted in my crying. God was telling me that the tears, the sadness, the sense of loss, the despair; all of this is merely a validation of my humanity. People feel this way when they lose something precious. No, not precious in the sense of it's intrinsic value, but rather in it's human value. Losing those we love brings us to a place we fear the most. It's a dark place where we dwell until such time as the light that is within us begins to overtake the darkness. But, just as it takes time for the sun to rise each morning, it takes time for our light to shine and dominate the darkness once again.
So, as I mark another "milestone" on my journey of grief, I am comforted by my relationship with God, and I know that He is guiding me as I travel. He knows of my sadness, and he knows of my fears. And he has promised me His love and His Grace. And all I need to do is to have faith. And I do.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sSnlMPWfUX8&feature=related
I kept telling myself that today is "just another day", and that my plan for processing my grief will continue MY way, and I'll be enjoying my life in very short order. I've always been a planner and a plotter, attempting to live my life according to some sort of order and schedule, thereby avoiding the twists and turns that seemed to always mess other people up. And it's hard for me to just "let go" and "let God" when it comes to how I conduct my life and view my outlook on my present and my future.
Today would have been Barbara's 58th birthday. And it's not "just another day". In spite of my plans and schemes to be further down the road that I am reluctantly on, I find myself saddened that she is no longer among the living, and happily celebratring her day.
But this morning, just before dawn, I took my coffee and my dogs out back for my morning visit with God, and we watched the miracle of His sun slowly, ever so slowly, rising on yet another gift of a new day. As I sat, saddened that a tear had appeared on my cheek, it came to me that it is perfectly O.K. to feel as I do. It's O.K. to FEEL the myriad of emotions that resulted in my crying. God was telling me that the tears, the sadness, the sense of loss, the despair; all of this is merely a validation of my humanity. People feel this way when they lose something precious. No, not precious in the sense of it's intrinsic value, but rather in it's human value. Losing those we love brings us to a place we fear the most. It's a dark place where we dwell until such time as the light that is within us begins to overtake the darkness. But, just as it takes time for the sun to rise each morning, it takes time for our light to shine and dominate the darkness once again.
So, as I mark another "milestone" on my journey of grief, I am comforted by my relationship with God, and I know that He is guiding me as I travel. He knows of my sadness, and he knows of my fears. And he has promised me His love and His Grace. And all I need to do is to have faith. And I do.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sSnlMPWfUX8&feature=related
Replies
Sunlight warms your heart & heals.My comfort comes with the stars in the night sky.So big a sky,so bright the stars-and God made them all ! Prays of healing for you,Joe.Both for your heart and your body.