Not interested in anything after losing Smokey.

I am not interested in anything after losing my Smokey.  Entertainment isn't the same thing.  Shopping isn't the same thing.  Nothing is the same thing without my Smokey.  How can it be?  The biggest, most vital and most important person in my life is gone and my life is never ever the same again.  I thought after five months I would be a bit better but alas I am not and the pain is very intense in my heart.  When Smokey died, he took my heart.  Will I ever feel normal again?  Will I ever want another relationship again after losing my Smokey?  I can't answer that question.  I thought I was ready to find someone else but I am not.  I was reading a book Change Your Brain Change Your Life which I find absolutely fascinating.  There was one exercise to right down ten happy events in your life.  I did it mentally in my head and the first seven involved Smokey which made me cry a lot.  Will I ever meet a close, kind, caring and loving person again?  Smokey went out of his way to make me happy.  Will I find someone like that again?  He didn't go to church.  Other than that we were one hundred percent compatible.  We did disagree from time to time but that was about it.  Two whole people come together to form a relationship, disagreements will occur.  Nothing interests me that much any more.  Even trying to make something for myself to eat is not that interesting.  I am doing small things to improve the apartment.  I should be happy about it.  I am making the changes but I am not that interested or happy about it.  I look at the changes and say to myself oh yes that looks nice now.  I feel numb.  How do you find yourself?

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Jhelum
Jhelum

\"How do you find yourself?\" That\'s a good question Diane. I don\'t think we know the answer yet. Maybe \'cause we have changed so much after the death of our loved ones, that we just don\'t recognize ourselves anymore. We will find us again, but it\'s a process of slowly getting to know this new person we\'ve become. It\'s almost like we\'re learning to talk, eat, sleep, walk, all over again. When you do find yourself, you will find peace. Lots of love and hugs...