Not in a good place

I am home and I feel worse here than I did near school.  My Dad is here, my Mom is still convalescing and I am a mess.  I am holding on for Tuesday when I see my pdoc.  I am not going to lie to her, I think I should go to the hospital, but maybe by then I will be more rational.  It's not like I WANT to go to the hospital, but I think maybe a break from everything could be good.  Maybe being in group and meeting with a therapist might help.  I don't know.  Right now, I can fight back the urge to give it all up.  I really don't want to fight this anymore, but I have the strength to sort of fake it.  We'll see. I'm just exhausted I don't want to do this anymore, and I can't see any future for myself, but I'm not ready to die just yet.  I am totally lost. 
 
~*Ivy*~