not happy or unhappy, getting by......with a little. help from above

in my last journal the hardest symptoms were relatively quiet.......a can do kind of feeling that brings a level of freedom.  gotta appreciate the good days when they come.

good news first.....when i spoke with the mechanic i told him i had a tighter budget, that I go with economy parts whenever possible, so he took that into account unbeknownst to me.......mary ann took me to pick up my car and at checkout i was handed a bill for $244.00 instead of his phone quote of $361.00.  He got less expensive, but very viable solid parts......which helps me tremendously.  I'm not sure if he even realizes how much he helped me out......but he really did.  (I will call him today to say a special thank you!)

i road tested it by driving to Michael's.  i had items to return....got that handled and then gave up and went home. 

i'm having head pain that comes and goes.  swollen left leg/foot for two weeks and now my right leg is swelling also......it goes down a little but never returns to normal.  my appetite has significantly decreased.  now i have to talk myself INTO EATING.....so i have a feeling that prednisone weight will start melting off soon. 

the head pain is pressure on my whole head including sinus pressure in my forehead......when i take a shower the pain stops for a bit then comes back on, less painful but still not great.  my hips are hurting like mad, lower back pain, neck & shoulder pain is rough....my glands are sore and tender.  and i'm in slow motion. 

i do something, then sit on the edge of the bed.....waiting for clearance to do the next thing.  whether it's get up or lay back down, i need a stop rest break sitting there.  sometimes i drift into nothingness........most of the time i stay put and lay down on the bed.  very limited energy.  feels like someone is sitting on my energy bubbles.  there is all this pressure in my upper legs......think this is the pain of the PMR coming on stronger now that there is less prednisone in my system.

my shoulders ache, my neck aches.....i feel thick and stiff and unwieldy.  my gait is wonky.  wonky like miss duck and mr penguin had a baby sparrow that is me.  i walk funny....stiff little side to side steps. 

i have some new lotions......they are nice.  i got rose hips, mandarin and garadenia.  they are lovely scents......the goal is to put the lotion on my legs but so far it's only been used on my hands, arms and neck.  sigh, my bendy mechanism is so stiff and achy breaky.  i'm sliding further into my normal mess of before.  hard to say welcome back to all of this.

i took my first dosage of methotrexate monday.  i took three tabs, next mondy it's four tabs, then the 3rd week it goes to 5 tabs every monday going forward until further notice.  i'm praying that i won't suffer side effects......praying like a dam building mama beaver.  i have taken my first two doses of folic acid......read somewhere that the folic acid not only aids with the anemia, but it also can help to reduce negative side effects of methotrexate.  hope this is true.  so far i've got nausea but no barfing.........so YAY!!!!!

time to lay back down.  i'm stupid tired.  mountains shmowtains, i don't think i'll make it up there this. year.  feel so sadding about it.  but even more sadding to be like i was before only worse.  in time i have to hope for adjustments.  they gave me PAGES of negatives about the methotrexate, but not one thing about positive effects......the reason why anyone would be led to taking this drug. 

i find this confusing .......assuming that the goal of metho is to reduce levels of inflammation which in turns reduces pain levels, but can't find how much it helps.......have any of you taken this drug?  can you share how it affected you in either positive or negative ways?

bruce is out of town for the next 5-7 weeks.......stella is heading to savannah this week end.......and me? i'm ET.  i'll be right here.....imagine me pointing at my little heart glowing along.........hugs, ruthie