Not feeling well
I just haven't been feeling well lately. I've been depressed and down, and my IBS is acting up. I haven't gotten a good night's sleep in days, and everything is just depressing me. I'm thinking that I might stop volunteering for a while since it's getting me down. When I don't go in, I feel like a failure and then that gets me depressed and a bit suicidal. When I do go in, I'm bored out of my mind and just want to leave. I don't know if this could be solved with me changing departments, but as it looks right now they want me at the Information Desk. I just don't know what I want to do. And don't worry, if I start to get really suicidal, I will go to the hospital like I should. I'm hoping it doesn't come to that, but it might. I'm also mood swinging. It didn't help that I missed a night dose of Depakote last week, but you would think that would be over by now. I'm supposed to go to my therapist on Thursday, and we will see how that goes. I need to talk to her about my sister and all that. I know that's one of the things that's getting me down. Then I have to go to the psych on Friday when I get paid, so I can get my meds. I'm running low on meds, but I have enough to make it until Friday. Right now I don't have the money to pay for the visit which I would need to get the pills.
Mood today has been depressed... spent most of the day in bed again, trying to sleep. Didn't happen. I was awake from 5:30am to 8:30am and then slept until 1. I had to take another sleep klonopin, which I don't like doing. I haven't been going for my walks since 1. it's too hot outside and 2. my knees have been hurting. I might try and make it to the gym tomorrow and do some time on the elliptical since that's supposed to be easier on your knees. If it was up to me, I would just lay in bed all day again. I need to get up and out.. It's not good for me to be lying around doing nothing but eat and gain weight. Speaking of which, I'm in my calorie range for today. I probably won't lose any weight when I weigh in tomorrow since I haven't been burning any calories. Sucks, but that's been my choice. I don't want to be like this, but the depression is just overwhelming.
Mood today has been depressed... spent most of the day in bed again, trying to sleep. Didn't happen. I was awake from 5:30am to 8:30am and then slept until 1. I had to take another sleep klonopin, which I don't like doing. I haven't been going for my walks since 1. it's too hot outside and 2. my knees have been hurting. I might try and make it to the gym tomorrow and do some time on the elliptical since that's supposed to be easier on your knees. If it was up to me, I would just lay in bed all day again. I need to get up and out.. It's not good for me to be lying around doing nothing but eat and gain weight. Speaking of which, I'm in my calorie range for today. I probably won't lose any weight when I weigh in tomorrow since I haven't been burning any calories. Sucks, but that's been my choice. I don't want to be like this, but the depression is just overwhelming.
Replies
larissa, i am so sorry you are feeling so bad. have you asked the clinic if you could go to another department? the work has always seemed helpful to you, esp on the days you didnt want to go, but did anyways. depression just pulls us down deeper and the fight to stop it is hard, but you can do it, steps at a time. this depression is not your fault, you are doing the best you can, dont wory right now about weight. i hope you do go to the gym and use the ellipitcal. many hugss