Not feeling myself

Since my last post i been trying different ways of improving my life.years later I was hoping to be in a better headspace. Life has been just kicking me down.i feel so defeated I try and try. Between my job, kids ,and personal issues I have no one. My family is none existent not that they ever really been there.i have always been the one everyone turns to and im sad to say im just tired. I tried to turn cold but my heart wont let me.i dont know how nor do I care to learn.i dont know why I keep falling into despair. After my twins turned one I realize my post partem isn't gone.it hurts that I have to play the part of trying to be happy for everyone when I sit alone I cry. Im sad inside and I dont feel like I can play the strong one anymore.i sit and pray I talk to God or at least try to and i guess hes not interested in listening anymore im far from perfect but I try to be a good person. Not sure what to do anymore.not sure at all I feel like im backed into a corner.and have been for so long. My entire life hurts and I dont know how to fix it. My kids are absolutely the reason im still here but at the same token maybe they would be better off if I weren't. Not sure anymore. Just needed to vent....no one to talk to (dont want to tell anyone how I truely feel) I dont want to burden no one. 

Signed, 

A tired person.