Not doing well
My efforts to stay positive have disintegrated. I’m suicidal again and can’t sleep. I’m in a constant state of fear. I think being shanghaied to hospital the other day has actually made me worse. I was packing and cleaning for a possible move when they sprung that shit on me. I’ve tried positive thinking trying to see the good side but have rebounded worse. I have a lot of interference in my life now but little concrete help and constantly treated like I’m some backward person incapable of coherent thinking. Well their cunning plan worked. I am that now. I can’t even get away with this damn virus changing everything. I had two possibilities I kept as a last resort, one a caravan on the river and the other a shack on a friends property. I didn’t want to ask them but swallowed my pride and they both have cancer and can’t deal with anything else. WTF? They live thousands of kilometres apart. It seems one friend will be ok, good prognosis but the other one is having his second go round with it and it’s not good. They’ve both got lots of help and support so I can’t even offer that. Not needed.
I’m applying for the few and far between places on the internet but they are snapped up so quickly. I’ll probably end up in some slum.
i also realise I can’t tell health care workers how I feel in case they pull that shit again.
Replies
Sorry to hear this. Do you think having trip to the beach would help? The mental health is just as important as this dang virus so thats reason to go out and walk dog on beach in my mind.
Hm-m-m-m. . . Don't know whether to rock you gently and cry with you or find a trash heap in need of demolition to help you work out your aggression. Maybe both. A free flowing cry often follows my anger channeling exercises.
How 'bout we start with some deep cleansing breaths? ? ?
Breathing with you. . .
Dunno if it is helpful, but many of my greatest healing breakthroughs started with a fall. Hope healing happens here.
Yes I do that often Bill. It hasn’t changed anything. This is bigger than that. Thanks anyway
Keep looking for something else and stay packed. Staying packed might help a little.
Don't believe their lies. You are stronger then that. Don't lose hope! You will make it, one way or another. We are all rooting for you!
God Bless
Im sorry its now having a back lash. Like i said it can be pretty traumstising. I really hope this gets sorted out some how soon. If u start thinking ways to end it please do tell your team becos none us here want to loose you. You said they agreed u were acting normal to a bad situation they will see that again, keep reniforcing that to them. None this is ur fault. Hugs.
Shaky, that is one heap of troubles piled on each other. Especially losing your escape routes. Heart goes out to you. We're here for you as you work your way through this. Comforting hugs.