Not being good enough!
My daughter told me today that she is sick of hearing me say I need to get a job. She's so right, and yet she doesn't understand depression or anxiety or eating disorders or the constant pressure of feeling like I'm doing my best, but failing drastically. I told her I'm going to try harder, going to get a job but I'm taking a break to spend a week with her before she starts school and unsure of what will be needed of me by my friend who broke her back this week and has no one but me to look after her. I feel overwhelmed, I feel worthless, I feel I'm failing her. I feel like I need help to get out of this 3 year long depression that makes it hard just to crawl out of bed in the morning. And the severe anxiety that makes me terrified to leave my house. I hate that she is ashamed of me. I want to be a better person, better mom. Someone she can be proud of. I try to take good care of her, but she see's what I really am. And it hurts and I just wish I had the answers or will power to make it all go away, to make it easier, to make her proud.
Replies
It sounds as though you arent well enough to be working yet- but these things arent easy to explain even to people close to us. In a way its a good thing if your daughter doest understand depression and anxiety. Once shes a bit older she may be able to understand and support you better. I do know youre doing the best you can. Sorry to read about your daughters foot problem. i hope there will be other people too around to support her and I know you will do all you can for her.
Hey there eshaw. It\'s hard to explain to someone about depression and anxiety and how it affects your life to someone who has never experienced it. They tend to think it\'s \"all in your head\"...and that you can just snap out of it. Just don\'t do more than you are able to at this point...just try to put one foot in front of the other...and the getting a job thing will come in time. Hugs..
Just don\'t beat yourself up over everything.
I\'m not sure you\'re ready to be looking for a job right now, either. Is there some sort of volunteer work that you can do that could maybe turn into a job in the future?? Sorry to hear that you continue to struggle with depression and anxiety. I hope you can find the right meds for you, that may help in the short and long term. Try to take care of and be gentle to yourself. Don\'t beat yourself when you\'re already down.
this breaks my heart as I relate to it with the children and my depression and anxiety. however there are better times ahead for you, my daughter was the worst one as far as understanding and when she got to be about 25 or so, she changed and now has been a great source of comfort to me, she will be 32 now. when they are young they just don\'t get it, it is impossible to explain. you haven\'t failed her, you are doing the very best you can and love her, that is all one can do. I agree that at this point a job isn\'t a great idea, I tried one way to early and the depression I didn\'t last long. take care of you and hopefully the right meds soon and the time will come, it really will.
It takes a time to heal of the depth of the ED and you are doing the best you can. I can relate to the feeling of pressure about needing to be in full-time work yet feeling you are not up to it. Listen to your own heart; others may think they know what will be best for you, but you alone can make this decision. Be gentle on yourself and allow yourself time to regroup, heal and get stronger xx
You are a very good friend. I have a lot of admiration for you. I just wish your daughter was more understanding. I know how important that is! With lots of hugs.
Thanks everyone! I appreciate your support. I finally have a therapist now and he scheduled me to meet with a case worker to find out what financial options/back to work options I have while I work towards recovery.
Great news about the therapist\'s action re the case worker. Hope you get the support you need in this regard. All the best :)
I think she might be more worried that ..sick of hearing it ..hearing about how you are feeling just makes it more real to her ...I don\'t think you schould tell her how hard a time you are having with depreshion I think you schould go to a phocatrist or counclor and have your meds adjusted it is overs that the dose that you are on if you are on any are just not enough ...there is also separate meds for angizity ..that will help with getting your self out of the house ..I got house bounds..and I won\'t lie to you it was work getting my self to be able to get my self out of being stuck in that house but I did it and you can to ..but first you need to get on the right meds ...and than you need to live one day at a time ..and talking is so important every thing that has ever hurt you has to come out ..if you want to get better .....you could be very lonely ..but you also have the other underlying problems ...and getting help for them ..will help all your other problems ....take very good care of your self ..let me know how you are doing ..I am here for you .....so don\'t for get that ...God bless ..