Not a very good day

OMG! Today wasn't a good day for me. I keep thinking about cancelling my appointment with Codac on Thursday. I feel that I am on a emotional rollar coaster with Andre. The kids are doing better. Dashawn said to me today, I didn't look happy. I told him, I wasn't feeling well. I don't like to tell them, I am feeling depressed.  I hate being depressed. I keep letting this depression get to me. I wish I could handle life and its blows. The grass always look greener on the other side. Is it truly greener? I have so many struggles in life. So many times, I feel that I will never conquer them. I pray that I get a plan and stick to that plan. Why is it so easy to give up? So many times, I feel I bring on my pain. Why can't I make better chocies? Why can't I let go of past hurts? I've been there for so many and I feel so lonely right now.  I can't change the past. I wish I could. I need to figure out how to deal with my pains. I want to have a drink and take pain pills right now to just stop the thoughts in my head right now. May God be with me, in my time of need. I can only pray, my tomorrow is better than my today. I hope to come here everyday, if only to write my thoughts for the day.