Not a linear journey

So my friends... I have had some hard days here lately... It seems I hit the 100 lbs loss mark (whoo hoo!) BUT have been struggling with my head/food issues real bad. I also had to go without my thyroid meds for about 4 days, which I think threw me for a loop... I felt so bad, like I was made of lead, which is what I felt like before I got my meds right. I think I also experienced a low blood sugar Thursday at work and I came close to passing out, which added to my already not feeling well, kicked me in the butt! On top of this I have had a lot of stress and pressure on me lately... A million things, nothing bad, just life pressures. Things like the start of a new term, the fact that my broken toe still hurts and I cannot wear a shoe comfortably... and stressing over the process to apply to grad school and the fear of being offered a spot. Thru writing my personal statement I discovered how very much I want "in"... I knew I wanted it before, of course, but something about the process of writing the letter has brought it home for me so very powerfully. And I am the kind of person who has a hard time with things outside my control... But I am trying to let it go. All I can do is apply... then it is up to them, not me. None of this in the schema of the world woes is unmanageable or all that terrible, and I am not whining, just sharing... yet it still has been a big deal in my life right now. **SIGH** so, my food choices lately, well... they have just sucked. No other way around that. From the very beginning this eating thing has been easy for me. This is something that upset me early on. I know I am not alone in this and that others too have had worries early on regarding how easy it was for them to eat. I try to see this as a good thing. As my surgeon said, for those that can eat easily, we have to deal with the head work right out of the gate instead of being blindsided by it later on... when we thought there was no issue. So.... this IS a good thing. Yet... when I can eat 2000+ calories in a day, it sure does not FEEL like a good thing! Don't get me wrong, I don't do this daily... or even weekly, but I have, and I know I can, and it scares the hell outta me! And I let the carbs slip back in.... Which I am cleaning up now. So, what I am trying to take in from all of this is that my progress is not a linear path. It's more like a hilly country road.... There are ups and downs, smooth parts, parts that need a road crew to fix the pot holes in, and some dang big hills to overcome. The smooth parts get me comfortable and allow me to get complacent.... and just be at ease. Then all of a sudden, I hit pot holes that jar me significantly. About the time I think I have overcome the pothole incident, here comes a big-ass steep hill I have to climb! Right now... I am climbing a hill... and I just wish the tears would stop so I could see clearly out my windshield :) I have found nothing to be easy about this journey of head work... It is hard for me every step of the way. I knew this was going to be hard preop, but I didn't truly get that till I experienced it. I think I thought it would be easier head wise for me because I had worked for over 4 years preop to lose, to change my life style, to eat healthy and make good choices... I could not lose weight because of a messed up metabolism, but I had made so much progress with my diet, exercise, etc. So I thought I had a handle on that already because I had done so much (or so I thought) of the head work already. Ha! I was sorely mistaken! I will preserver.... I will survive the hills and pot holes. I will mess up and I will recover. I get worried when I hear people further out than me say things like "I've not eaten bread (whatever) since surgery and I never will again"... I am not proud of this, but it is true none the less... I have eating all kinds of things. Sometimes just a bite, sometimes a whole slice of pizza. Or 3 cookies.... or whatever... I compare my journey to theirs. Bad move! Very bad move! This is my journey, and mine alone... My experiences will be mine. Yeah, we share similar 'things', but in the end no one takes our journey but us... I have rattled on and on, like I tend to do... :) My point... I will make it thought this rough spot. And when you hit a rough spot.... you can too! Rough spots, pot holes, hills, they are to be expected.... but when your car breaks down on the side of the road, you don't just toss your hands up in the air and give up, you get the sucker fixed and get back on the road and move on....