NOT A BAD DAY!
May 29, 2010: Not a bad day, today. I went to a Springfield Cardinal's baseball game (minor league) and it was actually a good game! To top that off, the choir, from the school where I work, sang the National Anthem. So, there were lots of the students I work with, in the stands. It was good to see them out of school! Other than that, I did laundry. Ahh...the normal!
I don't really like laundry. However, the normalcy of it, does me good! i don't feel "normal" these days. Again. It is just nineteen days, until it will be three years, since we lost Scott. I have been having flashbacks, again. I have the "what if?", still. I don't know how to get past all that. Even with the birth of a grandchild, I don't feel the "whatever" it takes to move forward. How and when will that ever happen?
I read today, on one of Scott's friends facebook notes, her "talking" to another of his friends about visiting Scott on Monday, Memorial Day. That did my heart good knowing that his friends still care. What an amazing group of young people! On the other hand, I am so sad that he is not going on the float trip they are all planning.
The ups/downs of this makes me tired!
I don't really like laundry. However, the normalcy of it, does me good! i don't feel "normal" these days. Again. It is just nineteen days, until it will be three years, since we lost Scott. I have been having flashbacks, again. I have the "what if?", still. I don't know how to get past all that. Even with the birth of a grandchild, I don't feel the "whatever" it takes to move forward. How and when will that ever happen?
I read today, on one of Scott's friends facebook notes, her "talking" to another of his friends about visiting Scott on Monday, Memorial Day. That did my heart good knowing that his friends still care. What an amazing group of young people! On the other hand, I am so sad that he is not going on the float trip they are all planning.
The ups/downs of this makes me tired!
Replies
I know what your saying/ I too wonder when the new normal will take over and life will be okay again. Wishing you some peace and happiness my friend. Hugs Cathy
You are so right Ginger...the ups and downs of this journey does tire you out. It\'s hard to feel \"normal\" still for me too. And while the empty spot in your heart that Scott left will never be filled, I hope that your granddaughter will bring lots and lots of happiness to your life. Love & Hugs, Kim
Yeah...what is normal? We are forever altered...and I also really love to hear when one of Alex\'s friends remember him...it was 3 years for Alex on May 18...love and hugs...Karen
It\'s three years for me today. Who would ever have thought three years ago I would be signing in to a website for bereaved mothers. It\'s still so surreal somedays, but I am learning a new normal. A normal that will forever have a void and a normal with days a bit dimmer than once before, but I\'m learning and choosing to embrace what I continue to have. I\'m happy your day was not too bad. Not too bad days and OK days are actually a welcome event compared to those dark ones we know all too well. Sending you hugs and wishing you gentle days ahead as your sons angel day approaches. Love Robin
Well girls it will be 16 years on June 16 and I still don\'t feel normal. I think I now have a NEW normal. My life will never be the same no matter how long Bobby will be gone. I am just now getting the help I need, that I should have gotten 16 years ago. But as ever being my OLD normal, no it will never happen...Hugs, Connie
I think we are changed forever. The memories are bitter sweet and the what ifs will stay with us until we meet them again. Holding you close across the water. Charlotte. xox
It\'s good to get outside of ourselfs. Baseball games, seeing old friends, doing things we haven\'t done in a while helps...I don\'t like that feeling, knowing my life will never be normal again..I often wish, if only I could have my old life back.. BUT you know something, even if Ryan was alive. I still wouldn\'t have my old life back..Things change..Just think, if life stayed the same, you wouldn\'t have your Beautiful Granddaughter.. I know nothing can replace our own children, but Grandbabies must help..I hope, Someday??????lol...Every once in a while I\'ll bump into a friend of Ryan\'s...The other day I saw one of Ryan\'s girlfriends, as I was talking with her, I leaned down looking into her car, I spotted Ryan\'s picture taped to her dashboard.... I was really shocked to see his picture still on her dash board....This girl loved Ryan to pieces... The thing is Ryans real girlfriend, who he was dating, found another guy... It doesn\'t bother me like it use to...Its nice to know others still care.... I get fearful alot, thinking I\'ll never see Ryan again..Yup, so I feel those ups & downs all the time...urrrrrrrrrr, Love you, Kelly
I hope Nathans friends are remembering him as well. I\'m so far away that I can\'t visit him, so I hoped he wouldn\'t just be forgotten. Hugs to you, Danette
I love checking Corrie\'s FB page to see her friends\' posts. I\'m so glad that Scott\'s friends were going to visit him on Memorial Day. Our precious children are definitely NOT forgotten and still missed so very much by their friends as well as family members.
But \"normal\" ~ I don\'t think any of us can know or remember what \"normal\" is anymore. I guess it\'s just plowing on, doing what needs to be done (like the laundry), taking road trips, going to ball games, having dinner with friends ~ I guess it\'s simply living around the pain. As our daughter Allie says \"we all have a Corrie sized hole in our hearts\" and that simply will not go away. But we are all seeking new sources of comfort and joy in our lives, not to replace the hole in our hearts (impossible) but to make life bearable.
Sending love and hugs of peace to you ~ Debbie
{{{HUGS}}}
Sending a big hug. Three years still isn\'t that long, and I know the pain will always be there. Love, Julia
I wished I knew what to say. It\'s been 8 1/2 years for me since that dreaded phone call and I could almost recite word-for-word what I was told. But those memories are only brought to mind once in a while now and the why\'s are still there but again, don\'t pop into my mind so often anymore. So time is the healer of sorts. My heart keeps beating even with the long scar that runs thru it. I would like to be your friend. Sincerely, BarbaraWawa