nosedived.........

landed flat on my face......not literally.  CFS Land.  rough.  the eastern european judges shook their heads with worry even as they bowed their hands in prayer.  ........forget how sick this body can get.  how much time is lost.  how uncertain the days/hours.......time is.

what happened?  well i felt a pain/fatigue front hitting and headed to bed.  couldn't sleep......so finally after trying uselessly to sleep i took on the curtains in the bedroom window.  don't ask me why.....guess because they were there and because i hadn't washed them since 2011.  washable silk in light pale gray.  pretty and dusty.  so i got them down and into the drink they went.

that is when i thought as long as i'm up might as well tackle the curtains in all first floor windows.  so i pulled the sheers off the living room windows, the sheers off the master bath window........the dark cranberry red valances in the kitchen and laundry room window.

the longer i was up the more clear it became, no rest for the wicked.  what did i do to be this wicked?  tired & wired, a cross to bear.

.......it never occurred to me that i was turning a mountain into an avalanche.......at some point i had pulled the plantation blinds up in the master bedroom windows.  it's now after 1 in the am......and i can't get the blinds to go down.  nothing worked.  and it's the middle of the night.......nothing on the windows.  so this means two things.......even if i could sleep i can't sleep cause my windows now have no coverage........offer no privacy.  WHY did i decide to use this stupid wonky wired tired night energy to wash NOWWWW?

but i had......so what to do?  i pulled blankets out of the extra closet in my room and worked on putting them over the windows.....colorful and odd but effective.  the sheers don't wrinkle as long as you hang them up right out of the dryer.....but the others need an iron before rehanging.  so with that in store i rested and moved the laundry from the washer to the dryer throughout the night.  hung the panels on the bedroom door to iron at another time and at some point i fell into a restless sleep as the sun was coming up.  that was that from then until now............

when i next woke up, i was in the land beyond wonky.  walking bent over, dizzy.......visual disturbances, sinus pressure, nausea, upset stomach......aches and pains head to toe.  eeeeee gads.  plus swollen glands......overall body madness.  the weather keeps changing from winter to summer here.  literally.......from the low teens to the seventies.  from dry to wet......it's a barometric pressure nightmare for a CFS'er.

the curtains are all cleaned, pressesd and for the most part hung just right.......except in the bedroom.  when i rehung them i slid the rod through the wrong hole....which means the curtains are hung but now hang several inches ABOVE THE CARPETING.  this looks BAD.......and not in a bad to the bone kind of way, just BAD.  but i don't have enough hutzpah to take them back down, fight them onto the rod again......get up on the stepstool and rehang them.  i need a second pair of hands.  so for now i try to look the other way......and not let it bug the deuce outta me.  yeah, i am sadly one of those.  it will bug me until i can straighten it out.  so dumb, i get it......but there it is. 

last night i felt a little better so the first thing i wanted to do was FIX THIS.  my body felt like it had been kicked by wolves at a wolf convention for stupid human eccentricities.  mine obviously being this worry about the curtains being hung properly.......feeling bruised at every turn, with the highest concentration of pain in my hips, middle of the back and in the big diamond.  the big diamond is the area from the top of the middle of the back of the brain.......spreading to the widest spot at the shoulders........then into the smaller diamond tip mid lower back.  it is so tender, so achy that the pain goes to new highs and lows of stress after a rough couple of days of pain.  the visual disturbances, this almost migraine is another thing to recover from.  seeing these kooky rings moving in concentric circles just outside the main line of sight is dizzying, frustrating.......confusing.  lousy.........i lie there closing one eye at a time trying to actually determine if the moving circles are real ---- truly a manefestation of this mess.  they are real, it is not sadly just my imagination.  i can't tolerate light, sound.......food.  blechhhhh.  not a happy time.

sorry for being such a butthead........my scrambled eggs are done, gonna slice up some roma tomato to put on top.......eat and rest today.  try to regain some strength and some of that vim and vigor of the last journal.  ............i am feeling better. just sore and wiped out still. 

thanks for being so wonderful......i like to think of what you are doing based on what you share.......meals, your life and times.  and i love getting to pray for you.....you're my family......and families hang on to each other, lift each other up and try to be a source of support and compassion.  at least that is what i believe family should be.......and we can choose to be family in this way if it's something we don't have all the time via others already in our own lives.  we can be there for each other.......listen, laugh, weep, vent, moan, share, jump up and down for the fun stuff........sending all and sundry the cavalry..........those thundering hooves are on their way to you !!!!!!!