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Why does life have to be so long. If I can't be happy, why do I have to live for such a long time....it would be perfect if I could do whatever God put me on this Earth for now for a few years...and just leave in my sleep by 30. But at the same time, I would love to be able to have friends, be in love, and work in/create a career I love. It would be great if things would workout for me...and life is a little better, but the change is so slow. Why can't thing's just be right, now. I want things to come together and workout right now. Is that too much to ask? Is that being selfish?
I feel like yeah, my trials are making me stronger...but the stronger I get, the more tired I get. The stronger I feel, the more ready to quit I feel. The stronger I get, the more I just want to scream and yell. I feel like running away. Yeah, I'm stronger, but I'm really insecure now. I'm the woman I did not want to become. I'm jealous, angry, and negative. It's a battle to smile some days. It's hard to be positive when everything seems to be clouded in negativity.
I'm so angry and tired right now...but there's nothing I can do about it but pray. God is watching me, and that's, at times, the only reason I have not to give up. I've had faith for so long that He will work it all out. I still have faith, but waiting for my blessing is so hard. I pray God does come through very very very soon. I pray He starts by healing my ex and my relationship this weekend when I visit his parents' house. I'm praying...now God come through. :) Actually, He already started with school. 4 A's and 4 B's. IT's not straight A's, but it's soooooooo much better than before. Now I pray He works things out between my ex and me. I don't want to be alone anymore. I don't want anyone other than him...and I want him to feel the same way about me. I want to be needed.
I feel like yeah, my trials are making me stronger...but the stronger I get, the more tired I get. The stronger I feel, the more ready to quit I feel. The stronger I get, the more I just want to scream and yell. I feel like running away. Yeah, I'm stronger, but I'm really insecure now. I'm the woman I did not want to become. I'm jealous, angry, and negative. It's a battle to smile some days. It's hard to be positive when everything seems to be clouded in negativity.
I'm so angry and tired right now...but there's nothing I can do about it but pray. God is watching me, and that's, at times, the only reason I have not to give up. I've had faith for so long that He will work it all out. I still have faith, but waiting for my blessing is so hard. I pray God does come through very very very soon. I pray He starts by healing my ex and my relationship this weekend when I visit his parents' house. I'm praying...now God come through. :) Actually, He already started with school. 4 A's and 4 B's. IT's not straight A's, but it's soooooooo much better than before. Now I pray He works things out between my ex and me. I don't want to be alone anymore. I don't want anyone other than him...and I want him to feel the same way about me. I want to be needed.
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