No power.
Our power went out this evening for about 6 hours. We had gone to the store for some food to grill and came back to a dark house. I lost my shit about the fact that we might lose all the food in the fridge. I called my mom to let her now. According to her and John I was completely freaking out and needed to calm down. I'm sorry but I didn't really want to lose our entire refrigerator worth of food since we're broke. We transferred the stuff from the fridge to the freezer then put the stuff in the freezer on ice in a cooler.
Here's what I don't get. If I'm bring told constantly that I'm acting irrational and need to calm down then why don't the people telling me that think I need meds? If this new p doc I'm seeing next week doesn't agree with me that I need more than just trazodone I guess I'll just accept it. I know my mood swings are not just from the hysterectomy. That was 10 months ago. I wish people would stop saying it's just your hormones when I know it's not. If that were the case then why was I diagnosed with a mood disorder 15 years ago and why was I diagnosed bi polar 2 ten years ago. None of it makes sense.
I saw Stephanie today. She said the reason I threw away all my clothes I was wearing when Minnie passed including my coach shoes was because I'm punishing myself. I get that I guess. I just really didn't want to look at them ever again. She said I can't keep punishing myself and things will get better with time. I don't believe that right now. I really don't belove that about anything. She said I'm suffering from depression that goes beyond me grieving. I pretty much figured that. Then she kept saying what can you do to get out of it and I kept saying I don't know. I'm 100% postive I need meds to help me. I've been in therapy for 9 months and I'd say I've gone from an F to a D- if I had to grade myself.
I don't think I have much fight left in me. John says I do. Today was our 3 yr anniversary. He got me a card that made me cry and 2 snoopy coffee mugs. We didn't really do much. No sex of course because I can't seem to do that right now either. I feel like the hysterectomy took so much away from me. I think I'm probably extra grouchy right one because I didn't sleep for shit last night. It was one of those take my trazodone and just lay there nights. I really hope that doesn't seem to happen again tonight.
Here's what I don't get. If I'm bring told constantly that I'm acting irrational and need to calm down then why don't the people telling me that think I need meds? If this new p doc I'm seeing next week doesn't agree with me that I need more than just trazodone I guess I'll just accept it. I know my mood swings are not just from the hysterectomy. That was 10 months ago. I wish people would stop saying it's just your hormones when I know it's not. If that were the case then why was I diagnosed with a mood disorder 15 years ago and why was I diagnosed bi polar 2 ten years ago. None of it makes sense.
I saw Stephanie today. She said the reason I threw away all my clothes I was wearing when Minnie passed including my coach shoes was because I'm punishing myself. I get that I guess. I just really didn't want to look at them ever again. She said I can't keep punishing myself and things will get better with time. I don't believe that right now. I really don't belove that about anything. She said I'm suffering from depression that goes beyond me grieving. I pretty much figured that. Then she kept saying what can you do to get out of it and I kept saying I don't know. I'm 100% postive I need meds to help me. I've been in therapy for 9 months and I'd say I've gone from an F to a D- if I had to grade myself.
I don't think I have much fight left in me. John says I do. Today was our 3 yr anniversary. He got me a card that made me cry and 2 snoopy coffee mugs. We didn't really do much. No sex of course because I can't seem to do that right now either. I feel like the hysterectomy took so much away from me. I think I'm probably extra grouchy right one because I didn't sleep for shit last night. It was one of those take my trazodone and just lay there nights. I really hope that doesn't seem to happen again tonight.
Replies
I don\'t know if you were throwing things away bc of punishing yourself either. I know when I had my first manic/psychotic episode I threw away a ton of things that reminded me of that period. Clothes, shoes, Ipod, I mean a lot of things bc it was a reminder of how out of my mind I was.I feel so bad about your loss. I hope you are healing a little bit anyways. HUGS!!