No peace of mind tonight
I've been having a tough last few days with bad thoughts outnumbering the good so I thought I'd take a walk tonight to see if I could ease it a bit
did it work? Hell no.. It did feel physically good to get out and work up a sweat but mentally and emotionally, it stayed difficult. Had music playing and as luck would have it, breakup songs would come up forcing an almost constant shuffle. 2500 songs and that's what the thing selects?
toward the end, I finally lost it and started to cry and that lasted a few minutes. I don't know why I've been so emotional lately. You'd think that I should be happy but I'm not. I try to keep myself in a good mindset but then I get kicked in the balls by life. Makes me want to just give up sometimes...
did it work? Hell no.. It did feel physically good to get out and work up a sweat but mentally and emotionally, it stayed difficult. Had music playing and as luck would have it, breakup songs would come up forcing an almost constant shuffle. 2500 songs and that's what the thing selects?
toward the end, I finally lost it and started to cry and that lasted a few minutes. I don't know why I've been so emotional lately. You'd think that I should be happy but I'm not. I try to keep myself in a good mindset but then I get kicked in the balls by life. Makes me want to just give up sometimes...
Replies
I\'m sorry you\'re in a dip of this crappy rollercoaster. Life takes cheap shots sometimes, and it\'s not fair and it sucks. But hang in there, the rollercoaster should go up again...
All I can tell you is that it\'s all still fresh. Unfortunately it\'s going to stay fresh until that final decree is in your hands.
Bear in mind something I have learned. Life is all about perspective. The facts of my life haven\'t changed one iota since my divorce, but I am relatively happy now. Why? My perspective has changed. I am taking care of myself, exercising, eating better, socializing more. Incrementally changes are taking place. I am making new friends and going more places. I am just as alone as I was two years ago. Difference is, I am not lonely. Believe me with a handful of friends and literally no family, that\'s quite an accomplishment.
I know where you are at, I\'ve been there. It does get better. Unfortunately, in order to heal correctly, you will have to process it. And these ups and downs, and downs are part of the process.
As far as crying, cry as much as you need to. I can\'t. Don\'t know why, but that made things a lot harder for me. I had no real emotional release. It\'s probably why it\'s taken me two years to move on. Probably explains my random bouts of unexplained anger.
Hang in there.
I\'m sorry, John, that you are on the emotional rollercoaster ride from hell that a lot of us here are on. If I could undo the harness that keeps you on your emotional rollercoaster, I would do it in a heartbeat! Unfortunately, we all have to experience and deal with our emotions by finding a healthy way to get through it all so our harnesses will fall off by themselves. I couldn\'t have said it any better than ebonyknight. Most of life is all about perspective and attitude (things I\'m still learning about, too). You are doing the right thing by getting out and walking. I had to chuck the iPod for awhile and just learn to take in the beauty of nature and all the wonderful sounds nature has to offer...thus, putting myself in just the present moment of my life....not the past, nor the future. Hopefully, you have a walking trail, hiking trail or some other place you can walk without the distraction of any other noises and just bask in the beauty of nature. I also go walking by a couple of lakes near where I live (wish I had beaches...ha!). The sound of water and waves is very calming and therapeutic to me. Hang in there...work through all the emotions, even crying if you need to, as that will help you in more of a healthy way than you will ever know. I know YOU GOT THIS....it all just takes the time to process everything, and as ebonyknight stated, \"it\'s all still fresh.\" Give yourself a huge pat on the back and an \"\'attaboy\" for all the things you have dealt with already in your situation. You have come a long way already, even if you don\'t realize it! (((Hugs))) and Peace to you my friend!!