no need to die i am already dead on the inside

I finally realized that, my life in general is pointless to live anymore, i have already tried killing myself, and god denied that from happening, why he did i still don't know at all. Loveliness and sorrow seem to fill my soul to a point where people hate me and don't care anymore about me, i don't blame them, I know that my depression and loneliness will end up killing me one day and i am fine with that but i am also sad that i wont be able to live my life to the fullest i could have. I guess there is no reason to help out other people anymore in my life, because it does nothing for me, i thought that helping others was right thing to do, but how can it be right if all it does is give me more sadness in my life. Oh well, even with my friends i feel so out of place with everyone i meet, i understand this and i will also choose to not have friends anymore. It is quite funny that i cant get better anymore and life maybe does get better in long run but what good does that do when i am so alone, and standing at the edge of the cliff just waiting for myself to jump off. Maybe i can finally start moving closer to the edge of the cliff now and when i fall off it wont look like i jumped just slipped.