NO LIVING TODAY!

Friday, 1-16-09:  I had big plans for today...doing tax stuff...lol.  I didn't do it, though.  I drank too much last night and stayed up too late!  I just didn't feel good today.  My choice.  My fault.  But, you know, I really don't care.  It was what it was.  I got up this morning, ate, drank coffee, and thought, "I just want to go back to bed."  I did.  I slept off/on all day.  I was so stressed yesterday I guess I just needed this whole package. Yesterday, at school, we were supposed to go on a field trip for bowling.  It was postponed due to weather.  It was SO COLD!!!  I think it maybe made it up to fifteen degrees but the wind chill temp was below zero.  We take the city bus on our trips so that requires a little walk to the stop and waiting for the bus.  Also, we were going to have to walk a bit to get to the bowling alley.  It just wasn't safe.  Anyway, one of our boys, who is autistic, cried and cried.  That was okay.  Another, however, just had a total temper tantrum.  He is more of a behavioral issue than anything and not autistic.  We were already in the principal's office thirty minutes after we got him off the bus.  The whole day was a struggle with him.  It wore me out!   And then, at home, I was going to fix a simple supper.  Craig wasn't here and had gone to a friend's.  That was okay but he didn't call and let me know when he wouldn't be home.  I fell asleep.  By the time he got home I didn't fix supper.  He made a sandwich and I didn't eat.  (Another reason the alcohol hit me so hard, I think)  He went to bed but I had had a bit of a nap so I just stayed up too late.  So, today, I just truly took the day off.  I did fix bacon-cheeseburgers for supper.  They were really good.  I rarely fry anything so it was a treat.  We watched a movie, I did a load of laundry, changed my old purse and wallet out for my new, and got on the computer.  All in all, it has not been a bad day.  Just a different one.  I indulged. In my off/on sleep, I thought a lot about Scott.  I miss him so much.  I just don't think he really ever thought the pills would/could kill him.  I think we are all that way.  We get in our cars knowing we could be killed but we really don't think it will happen.  I guess we would all be crazy if we thought about everything we do, that could kill us.  We would be Zombies, I think. Anyway, I don't know what it means to think about this but I am sure it means something. I did "live" a little this week.  I went to dinner with a friend.  I shopped and got some really awesome deals on things I really needed.  And tomorrow, I have made definite plans with my Mom for lunch and a mall trip.  It is all about her.  We will shop as much or as little as she feels like.  She is my agenda. I have made plans for Sunday and Monday, too.  I will be cleaning and doing laundry, and on Monday I WILL get the tax stuff, if not done, started.  They will be peaceful days.   I am looking at the laundry and cleaning as living.  Not really fun but a regular, need to do, part of life.  And taxes, well, that just stinks in any shape or form.  Pure BLAH!  Chris got a part-time job at Cody's.  It is a convenience store.  He seems to enjoy that kind of work.  His job at the sports memorabilia store ended.  He starts training on Monday.  They are willing to work around his Springfield Cardinals job so that is perfect.  I am very happy for him. Adam and his girlfriend did break up.  It is all good and he seems to be good with it.  He has been socializing a bit more and I am so thankful for it.  Of course, like all of us who have lost someone we love, he will probably have many more ups/downs.  It just seems to be the nature of the beast, so to speak. Craig is planning on hanging out with some of his guy friends this weekend doing car "stuff".  And he has another day planned for cutting wood.  That, although work, will be good for him.  He likes being in the woods.  And, he will be cutting with a friend.  So, another day gone by.  It was what it was.