No boundaries as usual. Mom stressor!
This is a rant in or to vent. It might not be well thought out and a bit scatter brained but, I need to do this to feel better and calm. Without dwelling on the issue as much as I would if I didn't write it out. It has been quite some time since I have written in my journal. I try to be positive. I try to smile even if it's not the best day. I make sure my family is happy even if my day wasn't the best.
I've joined a gym. I've worked out 9 times straight minus the weekends. Clocking 42.59miles so far. Yay!!!!
Today, I guess is one of those days, I've had some recent issues with my Mom.
As usual. At 34 you figure I would not be bothered by her little jabs in the ribs. I guess I'll start backwards... I'll begin with today and go back to July 2015. Then most likely back to my present day irritation.
Today 1/25/16, I started out in an incredibly positive "Let's bring on the World" attitude. I was going to get things done. Laundry, dishes, organize the pantries, move the boxes of Christmas Items from the living room front door to the garage for storage. Im in the middle of eating my brunch (since I missed breakfast). But, at 10am my Mom calls in the middle of a conversation with my best friend J.W. I figured I would call her back once I was done. She called 5min. later. At that point Im highly annoyed. Because as you know she will call multiple times. In the past has sent my brother which is 6yrs younger than me to knock on my door. She herself comes to my door. This time. 10min later my security door is being opened and I hear dog tags on a collar jingle. I open my door to see my Mom And her irritating dog she puts higher in status than my children, her ONLY GRANDCHILD for the last 2yrs she has had it. Will never hug kiss or visit my kids but, lets her dog lick her face and eat from her plate. Won't spend time with her grandkids or me But, runs around with her dog doing errand for my 28yr old brother that still lives with her and his gf of 5yrs is always over (Yes there is some resentment I'm sorry for being so petty and not being the bigger person). Her instant excuse was she was checking up on me because the news says the Orange County inmates that broke out of jail are in our area. I said (in a fib) I was in my room trying to take a nap. My friend is still on my phone listening. Moms response... Oh then go back to your nap. Well, thank you for telling me how to live my life. As usual... My frustration is She is 60 and I'm 34 almost 35. She had me at 26. I had my son at 25. She had her 2nd at 32. I had my 2nd at 28. I have been on my own with my significant other for 11yrs. I live 1mile from her In a town that is small and people are pretty nice. My street is a filled with neighbors I know and some work from home and know me very well. I'm not going to be stolen. But, I looked up the update on her fib issue she gave me for invading my privacy. And texted her with my finding. Her only response was cool. My response Where did you hear that from. Hers Yahoo new. I send her a screen shot of yahoo news specifically stating that they have had no actual sightings at all. Then she responds with lol brain dead. I don't respond because at this point I'm angry she's lying. She sends another text. Oh, they think they are in little Saigon In OC. Ummmm Come up with some other lies. I have not responded to her since 11am when I told her that her information was incorrect with that screen shot. Which means she knows I'm upset and caught her lie.
So, sometime in the last month I don't know mom via text. I called her out on how she acts with my children. That I was sad for them because they were dealt a bad hand of grandmothers. That she doesn't get them any gifts or cards. If she does it clearance rack items. Or she tells me shell take them out to get something Or the best thing is Buy something and I'll pay you back. Ummmm no The idea is you buy something and a card. You take your time and show you care. It's not the item It's the fact that effort was put out. It makes me so sad that my children to care if they see her. She often makes my 9yr old cry. She compares him to his 6yr old brother. Which is wrong. My eldest is honest. How I want him to be. My youngest is still at the age where he can bat his eyes and look cute. The problem is They have done this since they were 1 and 4. Which hurts my sons feeling and angers me. I have gotten pretty aggressive with both her and my brother multiple times when they parent my children that with everyone else are considered Angels!!!! Family, friends, teachers, classmates. Strangers. Yet they are spoiled and don't listen apparently when my Mom and brother are around. It's all in their imagination!!! That is my opinion! If not fact. But, for a month she made sure she was extra nice didn't text where are you? Why aren't you answering my text, what are you doing then as usual went back to multiple calls and coming unannounced. I'm sick and tired of me practically having to give her my location times I'll be gone and shirt color (the last was sarcasm). She tells me I need to lessen my stress, loose weight (My is medically for the last 5yrs as a medication side effect) she was heavy for 26yrs due to a 2nd baby and eating yet I'm doing something wrong with my life. I've been to doctors trying to fix my uterus issues. Yet, I'm fat and unhealthy Rude!!! Biopsies! Meds! But, I'm fat She doesn't realize her mouth run and is hurtful. Every time she does this I totally shut down for a few days. Once alone at home I veg with my cat to get rid of my anxiety and stress.
Before November was September issue. First time I didn't get my mom a card or gift for her birthday. She upset me when she told me that I need to not give my kids so much.
July, I lost my service cat Iggie and I blame her. She bugged me to take him to her doctor in April so I did. To fix her neglect of his teeth before I took him from her. He got a blood infection from a tooth extraction and started to go down hill from a healthy cat once I had him. I have been so sad since his death. I not have a new emotional support cat. Hes not as trained as Iggie. That will take a year to do. But, companionship to help ease my vertigo, sciatica, stress, and depression is doing his job. I did put a case against the vet. I won half my money back from my card. That doesn't help my lost. It was like loosing a child. His status in our home was extremely high. I considered him my most loved being next to my children and husband.
I'm tired of her lies. Her need to be in control of everyone and every situation. I'm done with it. I finally set up an appointment to talk to a therapist and possibly ask ways to not be so angry, upset, and emotional about negative encounters with my Mom. How to gain control of the situation and my life back. Wednesday at 11am is my first appointment. I go every other Wednesday. I am actually looking forward to it. I'm scared and nervous. Because I don't know what to expect and because it's with a male doctor.
I will have to pick up later when I'm home on a computer. Writing on a cell phone is hard to do.
I've joined a gym. I've worked out 9 times straight minus the weekends. Clocking 42.59miles so far. Yay!!!!
Today, I guess is one of those days, I've had some recent issues with my Mom.
As usual. At 34 you figure I would not be bothered by her little jabs in the ribs. I guess I'll start backwards... I'll begin with today and go back to July 2015. Then most likely back to my present day irritation.
Today 1/25/16, I started out in an incredibly positive "Let's bring on the World" attitude. I was going to get things done. Laundry, dishes, organize the pantries, move the boxes of Christmas Items from the living room front door to the garage for storage. Im in the middle of eating my brunch (since I missed breakfast). But, at 10am my Mom calls in the middle of a conversation with my best friend J.W. I figured I would call her back once I was done. She called 5min. later. At that point Im highly annoyed. Because as you know she will call multiple times. In the past has sent my brother which is 6yrs younger than me to knock on my door. She herself comes to my door. This time. 10min later my security door is being opened and I hear dog tags on a collar jingle. I open my door to see my Mom And her irritating dog she puts higher in status than my children, her ONLY GRANDCHILD for the last 2yrs she has had it. Will never hug kiss or visit my kids but, lets her dog lick her face and eat from her plate. Won't spend time with her grandkids or me But, runs around with her dog doing errand for my 28yr old brother that still lives with her and his gf of 5yrs is always over (Yes there is some resentment I'm sorry for being so petty and not being the bigger person). Her instant excuse was she was checking up on me because the news says the Orange County inmates that broke out of jail are in our area. I said (in a fib) I was in my room trying to take a nap. My friend is still on my phone listening. Moms response... Oh then go back to your nap. Well, thank you for telling me how to live my life. As usual... My frustration is She is 60 and I'm 34 almost 35. She had me at 26. I had my son at 25. She had her 2nd at 32. I had my 2nd at 28. I have been on my own with my significant other for 11yrs. I live 1mile from her In a town that is small and people are pretty nice. My street is a filled with neighbors I know and some work from home and know me very well. I'm not going to be stolen. But, I looked up the update on her fib issue she gave me for invading my privacy. And texted her with my finding. Her only response was cool. My response Where did you hear that from. Hers Yahoo new. I send her a screen shot of yahoo news specifically stating that they have had no actual sightings at all. Then she responds with lol brain dead. I don't respond because at this point I'm angry she's lying. She sends another text. Oh, they think they are in little Saigon In OC. Ummmm Come up with some other lies. I have not responded to her since 11am when I told her that her information was incorrect with that screen shot. Which means she knows I'm upset and caught her lie.
So, sometime in the last month I don't know mom via text. I called her out on how she acts with my children. That I was sad for them because they were dealt a bad hand of grandmothers. That she doesn't get them any gifts or cards. If she does it clearance rack items. Or she tells me shell take them out to get something Or the best thing is Buy something and I'll pay you back. Ummmm no The idea is you buy something and a card. You take your time and show you care. It's not the item It's the fact that effort was put out. It makes me so sad that my children to care if they see her. She often makes my 9yr old cry. She compares him to his 6yr old brother. Which is wrong. My eldest is honest. How I want him to be. My youngest is still at the age where he can bat his eyes and look cute. The problem is They have done this since they were 1 and 4. Which hurts my sons feeling and angers me. I have gotten pretty aggressive with both her and my brother multiple times when they parent my children that with everyone else are considered Angels!!!! Family, friends, teachers, classmates. Strangers. Yet they are spoiled and don't listen apparently when my Mom and brother are around. It's all in their imagination!!! That is my opinion! If not fact. But, for a month she made sure she was extra nice didn't text where are you? Why aren't you answering my text, what are you doing then as usual went back to multiple calls and coming unannounced. I'm sick and tired of me practically having to give her my location times I'll be gone and shirt color (the last was sarcasm). She tells me I need to lessen my stress, loose weight (My is medically for the last 5yrs as a medication side effect) she was heavy for 26yrs due to a 2nd baby and eating yet I'm doing something wrong with my life. I've been to doctors trying to fix my uterus issues. Yet, I'm fat and unhealthy Rude!!! Biopsies! Meds! But, I'm fat She doesn't realize her mouth run and is hurtful. Every time she does this I totally shut down for a few days. Once alone at home I veg with my cat to get rid of my anxiety and stress.
Before November was September issue. First time I didn't get my mom a card or gift for her birthday. She upset me when she told me that I need to not give my kids so much.
July, I lost my service cat Iggie and I blame her. She bugged me to take him to her doctor in April so I did. To fix her neglect of his teeth before I took him from her. He got a blood infection from a tooth extraction and started to go down hill from a healthy cat once I had him. I have been so sad since his death. I not have a new emotional support cat. Hes not as trained as Iggie. That will take a year to do. But, companionship to help ease my vertigo, sciatica, stress, and depression is doing his job. I did put a case against the vet. I won half my money back from my card. That doesn't help my lost. It was like loosing a child. His status in our home was extremely high. I considered him my most loved being next to my children and husband.
I'm tired of her lies. Her need to be in control of everyone and every situation. I'm done with it. I finally set up an appointment to talk to a therapist and possibly ask ways to not be so angry, upset, and emotional about negative encounters with my Mom. How to gain control of the situation and my life back. Wednesday at 11am is my first appointment. I go every other Wednesday. I am actually looking forward to it. I'm scared and nervous. Because I don't know what to expect and because it's with a male doctor.
I will have to pick up later when I'm home on a computer. Writing on a cell phone is hard to do.
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