Night Panics again
it's now 2:57 am and I'm afraid to go back to sleep again. I had such a horrible dream. I try to wake me up in it know that it is a dream, but I dream I do wake me up, but the trment continues. So, when I finally really wake myself up and tell myself it is just a dream, but when I fall back to sleep I'm in the same situation again. I am so tired, but more afraid of entering back into that tormenting dream again. I hope this make sense because I'm still hlf awake and medicated on my sleeping pills. The doctor told me to take more pills at night when this happens, but I do not want to loose my ability to wake me up from a dream if I have to.
A couple of nights like this again may really throw me back into SI to escape. So, I will ask the Lord to come into my dreams and make this bad man go away. Let ya know whats up in the morning I'm so scared...
A couple of nights like this again may really throw me back into SI to escape. So, I will ask the Lord to come into my dreams and make this bad man go away. Let ya know whats up in the morning I'm so scared...
Replies
What a rough night! Still had some scarry stuff when I went back to sleep. I wake up so tired when this happens to me. I hate myself right now, because it seems like I cannot control anything. Even acting out on Sat. only took away the pain for a short time. If my children knew my state of mind right now our relationship would suffer grately. They believe that everything has turned around for me, but since these body memories have increased I lost control trying to cope with them.
I saw my psychiatrist yesterday. She said that even though I feel like Im barely getting by she brought out a very good point. I am feeling in the present. Things suck right now because I am feeling and I am not completely disassociating like I used to do. Regardless of what ever I am feeling it is frightening to me, because i have never allowed myself to feel any feelings for many years. The fact that I am feeling and staying present is good. Ya, I wonder for who? I feel like the character in Shutter Island when he chooses his delusion instead of his excrutiating truth of his past.
I just don\'t understand why so many evil things happened to me in my past. It is amazing that I am still here and capable of trying to survive. though some times I feel my personalities have more character than i do. I feel so overwhelmed with such ugliness in my heart, mind, body and soul. It\'s no wonder I try to escape from me. I do not want to accept the facts of my past Yet, I\'m beginning to understand that my personalities are actually part of me. This is so confusing.
Anyway...I\'m just grasping for clarity of mind right now. Don\'t mean to jump around on a rabbit trail. I do not know how to fix me. God help!
Why evil things happen is because people are basically evil and it takes concentrated effort for the few who care to not act on their own natural evil bent. That is just my opinion. We have the choice to overcome what was done to us and pass on less evil to the people around us. Every time we choose to do right, we are changing the world.
I am sorry this was all done to you. Knowing why doesn\'t take away the pain. I understand the difficulty with sleep and the exhaustion a restless night (or a string of them) causes. I hope you find some peace. Perhaps a light movie or uplifting music before bed? Affirmations: I am valuable, worthy of loving myself, able to succeed?
I have had similar tormenting dreams and they are terrible. My heart goes out to you with this. I hope you will be able to rest peacefully tonight. Hugs.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. I am so sorry it is so horrific for you. I hope this will pass.