Nickolus\'s Birthday
It's been two years since I gave birth to the most wonderful little boy.. Everything seems so surreal to me right now. I was at my best friends house the other day. I've been friends with her since I was like 4 or 5... I was sitting there reflecting on how shitty my life is and asked her how in the hell did I get here? I'm stuck in such an awful place right now. Nickolus's birthday, what happened with Michael.. it just makes me want to say forget everything and just numb my pain with whatever I can find. And then I have Jaycie, who is so happy and so dependent on me and I have to keep going for her when all I want is for life to just stop for a minute so I can catch my breath. My friend told me how strong I am and that she doesn't know anyone else that could deal with all this like I have but I'm not. I want to break so badly right now and I just don't understand why everything is going the way it is. I just want life to be enjoyable again and it's not.
Replies
you need to do something for yourself, like get a massage, or a pedicure (yes i love them). It may not be as long as you want but it will be a mental break. You will smile again. Keep your chin up
Happy Birthday Nickolus!! Thinking of you today!
I\'m sorry this day is so hard for you. I can imagine what it will be like when Sarah\'s 2nd birthday comes around next year. I find myself grieving every Friday, and especially on the 14th of the month. Anniversaries are hard. A counselor told me that we have to find a way to make that day a more joyous celebration, find a way to make it meaningful. I enjoy doing something fun with my son on Mother\'s day, that has been our tradition. Like going to the zoo or aquarium. He loved animals. Perhaps you and your daughter could do that on your son\'s birthday. I\'m sorry life is treating you so bad right now. But God reserves the best for those that suffer the most, great things are in store for your future, when you are ready to believe it can happen, it will, just keep your faith. If there is anything I can do to help I am here. I will be praying for you.
I think a massage sounds like the perfect idea. That is how I unwind. I leave Ben with my mom and I go get a massage, and for 60 minutes I am surrounded by peace and comfort. I quiet my mind and think about Madeline, sometimes I cry, but I always leave feeling like the weight of the world has been lifted at least slightly off my shoulders.
And happy birthday little Nickolus.