Nice day

  I woke up feeling not so good again. I think I still have that cold or something. My nose runs all the time, and the mornings are not too good. My head just feels, Ahhh.
   At the shelter we have to be up every morning at 6:30am. Even on the weekends we can't sleep in. Snow, rain, sun, it don't matter. It's out the door by 8:30am. I find that I usually function a lot better if I'm up around 8am, but I have no choice.
  Last night I went to this other meeting that wasn't too far. Everyone was gay I think, except me. I felt a bit awkward, but I don't mind it. They can be funny as hell I find, and in a way it's kind of refreshing from some other meetings that I find can be a little dull. They are alright. I just don't understand being open about it all the time. It seems to me like your advertising how you like sex. Just be yourself.
  I'm finding staying sober is really good. I like it, and like myself a lot more. Journaling is a great tool for me. I feel much better just getting shit out. Even when I have a problem, I find that going to someone I can trust and talking about it helps me to have other avenues to deal with it. I don't have to always do it MY way. Because my way isn't always right, and it can cause me trouble, and I don't need that.
   I've been E-mailing lots of jobs on this one site, and I'm getting some good results, so I don't think it will be too long before I'm working again. One job is in Muskoka. It's a chef job. I get kind of scared on that one, but I'm also thinking that it would be a great way to get away for awhile in a beautiful country type place. They provide food, and acomodations, and I would be there at least a year. That would be good to save up money. Who knows after.
   I think it would be better than going to that treatment place. I'm still not sure I want to go there. I've been in lots of treatment places already, and I've been around recovery for years, so I think I do know what I should do. The thing for me is to do it, and keep doing it. I've gone out enough times to know it doesn't work for me. And this brief last time was a complete mess. I'm really surprised that I'm not in jail. That in itself is a real miracle.
   Anyway, I feel good now. I love being back, writing my journal, and going to my meeting's. It's pretty simple, but a hell of a lot more manageable. Things will fall into place, when they are supposed to. I'm fed up with trying to make the world my way. That's too frustrating, and very painful. Thank you, Lord.