Night
I feel physically sick after finding out all of this information.
Last night was terrible, I have been set back even more because of this.
The woman i loved has gone...to an extent that even I wasn't aware of, I keep getting shocked over and over and over again, but this time i know the full extent of her evils.
She has given me no choice but to hate her, this "new" her. I only loved the old her. So I am mourning someone who is dead, because the person I loved is dead. Replaced by this slut. This cheating slut.
I wish that i could say that she genuinely likes this new guy, but i don't even think that is the case. I think she just wants him for his body, his closeness etc. She has lost control of herself, only she doesn't know it. Why does it fall on me to take all the pain then? I wonder if in time it will all catch up with her, or if she will continue to do things that she thinks will make her happy.
I broke, no contact after 18 days. Something tells me that when i restart, it will go on forever. There is no going back from what she has done, the betrayal, and abandonment, I think that even she must know that. We will never talk and laugh again. I will miss the old her, someone who i know doesn't exist in this world any more.
Last night was terrible, I have been set back even more because of this.
The woman i loved has gone...to an extent that even I wasn't aware of, I keep getting shocked over and over and over again, but this time i know the full extent of her evils.
She has given me no choice but to hate her, this "new" her. I only loved the old her. So I am mourning someone who is dead, because the person I loved is dead. Replaced by this slut. This cheating slut.
I wish that i could say that she genuinely likes this new guy, but i don't even think that is the case. I think she just wants him for his body, his closeness etc. She has lost control of herself, only she doesn't know it. Why does it fall on me to take all the pain then? I wonder if in time it will all catch up with her, or if she will continue to do things that she thinks will make her happy.
I broke, no contact after 18 days. Something tells me that when i restart, it will go on forever. There is no going back from what she has done, the betrayal, and abandonment, I think that even she must know that. We will never talk and laugh again. I will miss the old her, someone who i know doesn't exist in this world any more.
Replies
That\'s exactly the realization that I\'ve been coming to. The man I loved with my whole heart and soul just doesn\'t exist anymore. It\'s very much like he died. I feel like I\'m in mourning for him, for us, because that\'s dead too. Slain, suffocated, dismembered, torn limb from limb by his cold, hard, callousness, by his choice to betray and sleep with that...that...expletive deleted.
And yes, I very much feel like I\'m the one that\'s been doing all of the paying for his choice. My pain, my grief, my emotional blood gushing ceaselessly from my shattered heart, it\'s all offered up as a sacrifice to his selfish, self-centered choice. So that he can move on, so that he can be with her, so he can pretend that there never was an us ever, so that he can re-write history so the love we had never existed.
I miss the person that he was. But that man is dead. And all that\'s left is a pathetic shell of a selfish boy that doesn\'t even look much like him anymore.