Next steps

 
So, now I am trying to take some time out to figure out who I am as a man, and what sort of person I want to be. 
 
 
I NEVER thought I would see this day come - I always dreamed of waking up one day and being the guy I knew I really was, but then, I'd wake up and still be trapped in a female body. Now that I wake up in a masculine body(except for the bottom bits), I have, for the most part, achieved my lifelong dream. And now I have to figure out what to do with myself.
I'm doing a lot of soul-searching; it's easier to say what type of person I DON'T want to be than it is to pin down exactly the type of person I DO want to be. It ia also so much easier to love myself now - emotionally, mentally, and physically. I'd been depressed and hated my body for so long, I had no idea what it felt like to be happy! Now, I can look at myself, or at my reflection, and feel a deep satisfaction and warmth,... and a sense of abiding pleasure and contentment. I'm calling it happiness. I am happy now, even though my transition is incomplete(need reconstructive bottom surgery), I feel so much better - I wake up each day GLAD to have another day of life! Instead of dreading every waking moment, and wanting to die to escape the trap of my incorrect body. Now, I welcome each day, and look forward to what it may bring. I thank God for the courage to finally come out and tell the doctors that I am a man born into the wrong gender. That was one of the hardest things I EVER had to do; the one thing I have wanted to do for decades, but was always afraid to do for so many reasons. Now that I have reached the point where I pass consistantly as male, have all my male ID paperwork done, and have legally changed over, I find myself in an odd sort of limbo.
I keep looking around, and saying to myself, "Ok, I've gotten THIS done, what do I do now?"
How DO I move forward, when THIS was as far as I EVER dared to dream of getting?
THIS is where my gender specialist councilor's help comes in - she's the one who can suggest possible next steps in the path to becoming my true self.
I want to help others like me - FtMs - but I am NOT into political activism. I sign petitions in support of gender equality for ALL genders/gender IDs, and I am willing to offer advice to beginning FtMs. BUT - I also want to live my life as a man - as a "normal" man, NOT waving the flag of Transgender around or rubbing people's faces into it. I'm not one to enter marches, or go on TV, or speak in general public on the subject. Though I am willing to address other Transgenders, and speak about my experiences with other gender specialists, to hopefully help. 
Yes, I'm one of those who desires to deny I was ever anything BUT male in every way. I have wanted to be seen as the guy I am for so long, that now, I want nothing to detract from having that. Now, when people finally call me "sir"; now when other guys address me as "Hey, buddy,..." and kids say, "Hey, Mister,..." - that's a great feeling - and when women come up and flirt with me in public,... I don't want ANYTHING to ruin this!
Yes, I am owned by a cat. I love that furball. He's my "fur-son", spoiled rotten (laying in my arms as I type this), and I am the one who spoiled him. I rescued him from the streets when he was a tiny kitten, now his head is bigger than he used to be. Some people think cats are a "female" type of pet - that's just silly. I like dogs as well - have had several dogs in my life, and loved them as deeply as I love this cat. Humans need animal companionship. I also like horses, and most other animals - though not fish,... fish are pointless "pets" in my book; you can't really interact with fish. A fish is like having a potted plant. You can look at it, and care for it, but that's all. This cat has grown up as I entered into and went through my transition. He never once looked at me like I was crazy, or tried to reject me for undergoing these changes. He has always been welcoming. And it is good to have something to come home to, something to interact with, and something to care for. There were many, many days when the only reason I got out of bed was to look after him - he was my reason for living for a while there. He needed me. I needed him. He still helps give my life purpose.
Sound silly? I don't think so. I'm still looking for work - so I can afford his food and litter myself, so i can pay my own bills, so I can afford to do th things I need and want to do - for us BOTH. Again, he's a big part of why I get out of bed every day.
Speaking of which, I better get on with my day.